Brothers Lost
by soulful-ginger
Summary: What if Naruto actually had someone that cared about him? Major OC. Try it out. It's my first fic. Going to be good length! at least over 50k Please review...ill be needing advice. OCxSamll harem. NaruxSmall harem. Lots and lots of character death. OOCness for Sasuke.
1. Meet the Heroes

"Congratulations Kouhei. You graduate!" Iruka smiles at me. My mouth opens in a silent cheer as I disperse my shadow clones. Iruka stands and hands me my official Konoha forehead protector.

"Would you please send in Naruto?" The blonde must have overheard because he shuffles in nervously.

"Hey, just like we practiced okay?" I smile. He nods confidently before I leave the room, silently praying that all goes well.

"Wishing your friend luck?" a sensei asks, noticing my distracted stare.

"Yeah…he's more like my brother". The sensei nods knowingly before departing. I remember the first day I ever met Naruto Uzumaki. We were both newly orphaned, our parents killed in the Kyuubi attack. The adults and children treated him like he was the newest and most deadly plague. They called me crazy for sitting with him at lunch, for sharing my meager amount of clothes, and for confiding my deepest secrets in him. I'll never forget his first words to me.

"I like your hair". I smile while running my fingers through my shaggy reddish hair.

"And I like your eyes", I said back. Since that moment, we'd been inseparable, bonding through pranks and mischief. It usually made people laugh a bit, seeing a couple of kids outrun a trained squad of elite ANBU, at other times it'd earn us a beating…the latter happening more often than not. The worst incident happened when both of us were nine. A group surrounded us, not villagers but trained jonin.

"Little demon bastard", the ringleader growled. "You've corrupted this kid with your foul touch, making him your 'friend'," he jabs a scarred finger at me. I'd been quiet up till that point.

"NO!" I yelled with more courage than I was feeling. "He isn't my friend". Naruto looks devastated. "HE'S MY **BROTHER**!" I declare proudly. The sentence hadn't been out of my mouth more than half a second before the man socked me in the side of the face.

"Fine. Then you die with him" he snarled. Naruto tries to pick me up but a ninja knees him in the stomach, causing him to retch. I stagger to my feet and wipe the stream of blood that gushes from my mouth.

"GET AWAY!" I roar. The man just sneered before taking a kunai from his pouch. The shinobi who kneed Naruto hold me in place.

"Now you get to see how a ninja kills". He whips his arm back and I wrench myself from the man's grasp, desperately throwing myself in front of the flying dagger. THUNK. Crimson blood seeps from a neck wound, just above my collar bone. I lay there, letting the blood slowly pool around me. The group disperses quickly, leaving me to die. A merciless few minutes pass before a single spikey haired ANBU lands next to me.

"HOLY SHIT!" he cries out. He takes a bandage out before whispering to me, "Be strong". His words puzzle me…then I see his hand on the handle of the knife. I nod for him to go. He jerks back as quickly as he can; dragging the bloody kunai with him I can't stop the scream that rips out of my throat. Naruto regains lucidity and staggers to me, weeping loudly.

"Hey, hey. Don't worry…about me' 'I whisper raggedly.

The ANBU puts me on his back, "We're heading to the hospital". I can feel him focus chakra in his legs before rocketing off at lightning speeds. We're at the hospital in less than five minutes.

"I NEED A DOCTOR!" he screams, startling the nurses. A doctor rushes forward and lays me onto a gurney.

"Did **HE** cause this" the doctor eyes Naruto warily.

"No…a group of jonin did", the ANBU spits. "Kami…the Hokage will hear about this" the doctor growls, barely keeping his anger in check. The last thing I hear before I pass out is Naruto's sobs.


	2. Nightmare

**Hey guys! I'm back with the second chapter! Hope you enjoy! **

_Dreaming_

"Talking"

**Kyuubi Naruto**

"Kouhei?" Naruto's voice interrupts my thoughts. My eyes quickly open and I smile at his smile. Something metal gleams on his forehead.

"You passed!" He smiles even wider before embracing me.

"Never would have happened if you hadn't stolen that scroll!" Naruto winks. **(A/N Yeah my guy's a wee bit of a thief…don't judge me)**

"Why were you so spaced out?"

"I was thinking a little bit"

He smirks," That's surprising".

"What do you mean?" I ask, a wee bit puzzled.

"I didn't know you could think…" I fix him my best death glare that promises pain in the **VERY** immediate future.

"Remember what happened when we first met Kakashi-sama?" I ask, knowing that he knows the answer.

His face becomes a mask of seriousness," Yeah…that day was…horrible," he shivers. Before the conversation can progress, Iruka steps into the hall with the biggest grin on his face.

He wraps Naruto up like he's his own son," I'm so proud", he whispers in his ear.

"Does he get a reward?" I ask.

"Does ramen sound good?"

Two jaws simultaneously hit the floor and twin puddles of drool coat Iruka's ninja boots. Our stomachs roar at our teacher, demanding to be fed or he will pay the price.

"I'll take that as a yes" he grins sheepishly. We rocket out the door, dragging or teacher behind us. Within a heartbeat we arrive at Ichiraku's.

"There are my best customers!" the owner laughs. Iruka's smile slips, finally realizing that we are going to cost him a small fortune.

"Four bowls of extra pork ramen!" Teuchi notices Iruka next to us and I spot a greedy glint in his eyes.

"How about eight?" he smiles evilly. Naruto and I cheer while Iruka just groans.

"Bastard" he laughs under his breath…..

***Time skip of three hours***

We have accumulated a stack of bowls that could shame the Hokage's Tower. Naruto and I slurp up the stragglers of our last bowls while Iruka sleeps on the counter.

"You full?" Naruto finally asks. I nod before poking Iruka in the face.

"OOOOH IRUKA-SENSEI! TIME TO PAY THE BILL" Naruto call out gently. Our teacher comes to with a large snort. Teuchi steps out from the kitchen along with his daughter Ayame.

"Well Iruka that'll be…**Wow**…10,000 ryo".

I don't think I've ever seen Iruka's eyes bug out of his head farther. He sobs slightly, little anime tears roll down his cheeks while he hands over his life savings. After the money is safely in the register, the Ichiraku's wish us a good night and close the stand.

"Even though you both cost me every last cent I had…I'm still so proud of you guys" Iruka beams at us. He ruffles our hair before walking into the night, whistling a soft tune. The short walk to our apartment is quiet and comfortable….and smells slightly of ramen. Naruto unlocks the front door to our ramshackle apartment. "Can't wait to see who's gonna be on my team" Naruto says thoughtfully.

"You just want to be paired with Sakura" I tease, knowing of his monster crush on the pinkette.

"And? You want to be on the same team as Ino".

"Touché" I grin.

He yawns at the same time I do. We climb into the small and rickety bed we've shared since we got the apartment when we were thirteen. I fall asleep soon enough, though I regret it.

A nightmare rages in my mindscape.

_The apartment smells of smoke and faint screams of terror reach my ears. I rip back the curtains and find Konoha ablaze, not a single building is unmarred, not even the Hokage Monument. The face of the beloved Fourth Hokage has been obliterated. A horrible roar silences all the screams that echo through the town. _

_I spot something in the distance…something yellow. _

_"What the hell?" I whisper to myself. The yellow ball hurtles towards the window and shatters it into pieces. I catch a glimpse of a face. _

_"__**NARUTO**__?!" I scream._

_ No…not Naruto…He looks astoundingly like him other than no whiskers and a seven inch height difference. Even his hair is the same as Naruto's…well except it's caked in blood and ash. He crawls out of the hole he made in the wall and sighs heavily. _

_"Well…that plan failed…" His eyes scan the room before finding me, pressed flat against the wall. There's a flash of recognition in his cerulean eyes. "KOUHEI!?"_

_ "Who are you?!" I ask desperately. _

_"KOUHEI! I'M YOUR-"_

I sit up so fast that my sweat flies across the room.

"Fuck" I gasp. I head to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. The water makes me feel better, well enough to head back to bed and sleep till morning.

**Well bros I hope you enjoyed it. If you don't know what the man was gonna say…you're and idiot. R&R, flame me, whatever.**


	3. Sensei

**What's up any interested reader? Forgots to mention this in my other chappys but I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.**

"Hurry up, Kouhei! We're gonna be late" Naruto yells. I fix a glare on him before tying my forehead protector around my neck.

"We have like half an hour. Why don't you change out of the 'hey look at me and chuck a couple of shuriken' jumpsuit" I snort. He pouts in that dorky way he does. I throw on a black tank top, blue shorts, and my ninja boots.

"Ready!"

We head out, ignoring the scathing glares and muttered curses of random passerby's. One flips me off and I cheerfully tell him to go fuck a hedgehog.

"So disrespectful" an old woman scolds. Today is the day I stop letting people harass us.

"I'm disrespectful? Fuck off. I couldn't care less what an old bat like you has to think of me". **(A/N He isn't really this mean; he just tries to take the attention off of Naruto) **

"HOW DARE YOU!?" she cries out dramatically. I usher Naruto forward, trying to halt any possible altercations. We hustle to the Academy and find Iruka waiting for us at the door.

"Where have you two been"? he whispers.

"Greeting our many fans on the way here takes time" I mutter. Iruka must understand because his face softens.

"Let's go see what team you'll be on" he says, changing the subject. We enter the classroom and Naruto winces when he sees Sakura shooting daggers at him.

Ino has the same look, but a quick 'I'm too cute to be angry at' smile defuses her. Naruto walks up the aisle, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. He plops down next to Kiba and me next to Shikamaru.

"Today you will all learn what team you will be on and what sensei will be your team commander" Iruka calls from his desk. Fifteen minutes pass and teams one through six have been assigned.

"Team Seven with consist of Sakura Haruno, Kouhei, and Naruto Uzumaki". Naruto stands and cheers out

"MY TWO FAVRORITE PEOPLE! BELIEVE IT!" I roll my eyes automatically but I at least smile. Sakura grimaces a little at the goofy blonde but offers me a polite nod.

"Team Ten; Skikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi, and Ino Yamanaka."

Ino sighs dejectedly, Shikamaru just falls asleep, and Choji screams" I'M OUT OF CHIPS!" before promptly passing out.

"Team Seven please report to room 301 to meet your sensei". Iruka embraces Naruto and I on the way out of the door.

"I'm so proud of you two" he says, trying to keep the tears that threaten to spill out at bay. He hugs both of us once more before shooing us down the hall.

"207, 209, 301" Sakura points to a room. We slide back the door and we're greeted by no one.

"He's...late?" Sakura grumbles. Naruto and I exchange glances.

"Prank him"? he smiles.

"Fuck yeah!" He grabs an eraser while I take a bottle of water from my bag.

"Plan X" I snicker.

"Do you really think a** JONIN** will fall for this?" Sakura asks. I ignore her because I can see a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Naruto wedges the eraser into the door while I pour a good amount of water onto the floor.

"MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto and I do our best evil genius laughs while rubbing our hands in anticipation. An agonizing fifteen minutes pass before we hear quiet footsteps down the hall and see the door sliding open. The eraser hits right on target, blinding the poor shinobi with dust causing him to stumble into my puddle and face planting.

**HARD**.

It's quiet for maybe a millisecond before Naruto and I burst into hysterical laughter. Even Sakura, little miss stick up my ass, joins in. When he finally comes to, we have tears streaming from our eyes. My eyes finally clear and I'm greeted by very familiar silver hair. My sensei is the man I owe my life to, Kakashi Hatake.


	4. Lucky Bastard

Two chapters in one day? Holy butt-fuck I'm amazing. Don't own Naruto

"K-Kakashi?" I stutter.

He rubs his head gingerly, "I was expecting a better reception…how do you know my name?"

"Kunai, group of homicidal shinobi, blood squirting from necks. Ringing any bells?"

"It's good to see that it didn't affect your ninja skills. This should be interesting" his one visible eye crinkles.

"My first observation of you guys…..I hate you" he deadpans. Naruto and Sakura visibly wince but I try to stay cool.

"Come on; let's head to the roof for our introductions." We sit on the roof, gazing at Konoha's gorgeous sunset. Kakashi poofs in front of us with a suspicious orange book in his hand.

"Tell me about yourselves".

" You first".

He sighs and puts down his book.

"My name is Kakashi Hatake, I like my….novels. My dislikes you shouldn't concern yourself with and I guess I don't have a dream". We sweatdrop at the intro.

He points to Naruto, "You're next".

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki I like ramen, pranks, and….ramen! My dislikes are vegetables, boring missions, and smug people. And my dream is to be Hokage!" he yells out.

"Dork" I tease. Naruto just sticks his tongue out in a very dignified manner.

"You're next pinky". Sakura growls at the nickname," My name is Sakura Haruno and I like quiet, reading, and sweets. My dislikes are ramen; she eyes Naruto, liars, and spiders. My dream is to answer the answers to all of life's greatest questions."

"Hmmm"… I think to myself, "Wonder if Naruto would be any help with that…nah".

"And finally you, red-head".

"My name is Kouhei, I don't have a last name but I prefer Uzumaki as a substitute".

Naruto beams with pride.

"Likes….hmmm… reading, music, and life in general. My dislikes are assholes, people who escape justice, and old people. My dream is to help bring justice to the Elemental Countries".

"Finally, an interesting group. Be here for training tomorrow at 5:30 A.M. don't eat anything, you'll just puke it back up." Kakashi says before disappearing in poof of smoke. "

Hey Sakura-Chan can I walk you home?" Naruto asks.

"In your dreams". Naruto looks crestfallen.

"Hey Sakura, would you come here a second?" She looks a bit apprehensive but nods and comes over.

"Give Naruto a chance, eh? He's not THAT big of a dumbass once you get to know him" I whisper.

"Fine" she sighs.

"Naruto, walk the lady home". Honestly the smile that hits his face warms me to the core. He runs to catch up with her but I grab him by the arm, "Show her the Naruto that you really are" I whisper in his ear.

"Understood" he says in a much calmer voice. They both head back down but I can't tear myself away from the sunset just yet. I get lost in the beauty and don't hear the footsteps behind me.

"Hey Kouhei!". I rock back and forth in my seat before falling back and slamming my head on the concrete.

"KOUHEI! Are you alright?!"

"Five more minutes" I groan. My eyes fly open when I place the voice.

"Ino-Chan" I smile. My head rests on something soft, Ino's lap.

"Hey sleepy-head" she laughs.

I focus on her aqua eyes, "Come here often?" I grin. She laughs softly.

"Where's Forehead?"

"Off with the Number One A.D.H.D Ninja". She makes a face that causes me to guffaw.

"That's the same face I made!"

She laughs and asks, "So what's the ever mysterious Kouhei doing up here all alone?"

" Watching the sunset"

"Funny. I wouldn't gave pegged you for the sunset kind of guy." I smile.

"What can I say? I like beautiful things" 'I nudge her and she blushes.

"Are you always this smooth?"

"Not usually. It's probably the head injury".

She hauls me up and her hand lingers on mine.

"So…see you around?" she asks hopefully. "Definitely" I wink. Commence blushing in 3…2…1.

"See you later". I jump from the roof towards our apartment and I can't help but spy Naruto and Sakura walking hand in hand. "Damn, you work fast Naruto". I step into Ichiraku's to give them some privacy.

** *Two hours later***

I pay my tab and head to the apartment. I step into the living room and I'm greeted with the sight of Naruto and Sakura making out. "SCARRED! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!" I howl while clutching my eyes. **"IT BURNS!"**

Sakura falls off the couch in terror and Naruto just lays back, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"I'm going to go…scrub my eyeballs".


	5. Give me the Details, Bro

**Hey guys, I'm putting up a new chappy, glad to see at least some people like it I'm almost at the 100 views mark :D read and review, criticize me, flame, I really don't care. ENJOY!**

The couch creaks as Naruto leads Sakura towards the door, a gentle smile on his face.

"I'll see you tomorrow Sakura-Chan" he kisses her goodbye. When she leaves, his face breaks out into the biggest fucking smile I've ever seen on him. It's even genuine, not like the ones he puts on for the other ninja.

"HOW?! HUH?! WHA?!" I sputter, trying to figure out this situation. He doesn't say anything, just steps forward and embraces me tightly.

"It worked. You were right" he laughs. His voice hitches slightly and a tear rolls down his cheek.

"Why are you crying" I ask gently while wiping the tear away".

"Because…. I have someone else that cares for me too, not just you, Iruka, and the Old Man" he cries happily. "I just finally told her how I felt…and in the way I wanted to". I grin, knowing exactly how he wanted to tell her.

"The Hokage Monument at sunset, huh? You fuckin' romantic."

He nods "It was perfect. I told her about how we first met".

I furrow my eyebrows and ask how they met.

"I never told you?" I shake my head. "It was three days after you got hit by the kunai" his face darkens.

**Flashback **_ I was heading back to those bastards at the orphanage to get some clothing for you while you were laid up. I saw this really cute pink-headed girl getting hassled by two assholes._

_ "Hey there Five-Head" one sneered._

_ "Do people pay you to advertise on that billboard?" the other said in a disgustingly nasally voice. I hid behind some dumpsters, waiting for the opportunity to get her away. A bunch of adults just passed by, completely ignoring the sobbing girl in front of them. One raised his hand to hit her._

_ "LEAVE HER ALONE JAGOFF!" I snarled._

_"Get outta here you father-less freak."_

_ Now believe me Kouhei, there aren't many things that make my eye twitch but mentioning my parents or lack thereof….yeah that really pisses me off._

_ "What. Did. You. Say?" I hissed through my teeth. _

_"You heard me" Jagoff number one sneered. A heartbeat later Naruto's foot was planted directly in the little douchebag's crotch, causing him to make a sound much like air squeaking out of a slowly deflating balloon. The boy's face quickly turned purple and men around the world winced at the act that probably took this boy's ability to pro-create away. The second little bastard tried to run but I broke one of my knuckles on his chin before he could get very far. _

_"Get out of here you wastes of skin" I snarled. The two smartly headed my advice and scattered. I walked over to the girl who had curled up in a corner. Slowly she lifted her head and stared at her young, blonde savior. _

_"Are…are they gone?" she asked timidly._

_ I nodded happily," Took care of em' myself." I extended my hand and dragged her up._

_ "By the way…your forehead is beautiful" I whispered before beginning to walk away._

_ "Who are you?" I just kept walking. _

_"A friend" I said over my shoulder._

**End Flashback**

"You did all that for a complete stranger?" I ask.

"I'd do it for anyone" he smiles.

"Naruto, this village doesn't deserve a person like you". He looks slightly surprised at my words but quickly grins.

"What'd she say?"

"Her eyes just got really misty and she pulled me into a 'shit my spine out' bone crushing hug.

"I owe it all to you…brother".

"I've always got your back. **ALWAYS**." Naruto yawns and lets me go.

"You ready to train tomorrow?" he asks me.

I groan," I'm going to eat breakfast; I don't care if I puke it back up."

Naruto yawns again

. "Awww, Nary-poo is sweepy" I tease him.

He just flips me off with a smile before heading to the bed. I head in to, ready for more nightmares. When my eyes close no nightmares greet me…but something else does.

**Dreamscape: Kouhei**

_Konoha's skyline shines brightly against the dark midnight sky, like a city of jewels._

_ "It's beautiful!" a woman gasps next to me. At first the woman's identity is a mystery, and then it clicks._

_ "Ino?"._

_ "It's nothing compared to you" another voice answers in a familiar baritone. I look towards the edge of a cliff and I realize I'm on the Hokage Monument. Two figures cuddle near the edge and star-gaze. The red-head next to Ino looks familiar. _

_"Is that…me? Damn….I'm hot" I grin._

_ Ino scoots closer to the older me, "Any reason you dragged me up here?" The older me shuffles around nervously before getting down on one knee._

_ "Ino….will you marry me?" I'm as surprised as Ino. She's quiet for a gut-wrenching thirty seconds before squealing and jumps to tackling older me. Before the squishy missile hits her target, she freezes. I mean just freezes, stops, not even breathing._

_ "Hey there….me". The older Kouhei walks towards me. _

_"How is this even physically possible?"._

_ "It's a justu, I've been working on it for a good fifteen years. There are some facts I need to tell you right now." _

_I nod dumbly. _

_"First up, your and Naruto's parents."_

_ "_**OUR **_ parents?!"_

_ "Was I really this dense as a kid? You guys are brothers, not good friends, or half-brothers, but full on same blood brothers." _

_Out of any news I could have ever received…this is by far the best._

_ "B-brothers?" I gasp. "But…how?"_

_ The older me laughs softly, "Well I really don't want to go into the details of our conception but brothers usually means you have the same parents, dork" older me snorts._

_ Is it bad to want to punch _**YOURSELF**_ in the face?_

_ "Never give up, Kouhei. Never surrender, and never abandon your friends. You will succeed at your dreams, just keep trying."_

_ Everything begins to slowly move._

_ "Well…it seems as though my time is up"_

_"One last thing, beat the living shit out of Sasuke for me"_

**My eyes open and my first thought is, "Who the fuck is Sasugay?"**

**Well there you go, bros. R&R tell me what you think. Stay smexy ;)**


	6. We've Got Bells

**What's up bro's? Adding a new chapter to my story. Hopes you enjoys. Just a reminder to the lawyers, I don't own that sexy beast Naruto.**

Naruto wakes a few hours later and I explain the dream to him.

He's as taken aback as I am, "I knew it!" he grins.

I stare at him, heavily skeptical of his observation.

"I've always had this feeling, when I look in your eyes…it's like looking into a mirror, I can just feel a kind of familiarity with you."

Our conversation is interrupted by my demon alarm clock.

"You want some breakfast?" I ask, already knowing the answer. He nods and I head to the kitchen to make some ramen for his black hole of a stomach and some pancakes. Naruto happily guzzles his ramen while I mull over the dream some more.

"No one left behind, huh? Looks like I finally found my Ninja Way" I think to myself.

"Training time!" Naruto cheers, oddly chipper for this early in the morning.

I just groan,"Eh". Naruto hops out of the window and I quickly follow**.**

***Twenty Minutes Later***

We land at the Training Field and spot a fuming Sakura.

"Where have you two been?!" she growls.

Naruto quickly defuses her with a kiss," Sorry we're late Sakura-Chan" he purrs.

"Oh, that's alright Naruto-Kun" she purrs right back.

I can feel my pancakes coming up to say "hi" at the sight of the two lovey-dovey dorks.

"Did you eat Sakura?" I say quickly, hoping to stop the pair from making me puke. Her stomach growls a response. Naruto quickly produces a bento box from his pack. I recall him making the food last night with the skill of a head-chef and the nerve of a five year old in the dark.

"Kouhei! Does the chicken look okay? Did I cook it all the way?! What if she gets food poisoning?! KOUHEI!" I shudder at the memory.

"Here Sakura-Chan I made this for you" he says, quite nervous. She smiles really wide and accepts it. We unfortunately have to sit for another two hours while Sakura has her first orgasm from Naruto's cooking.

Kakashi finally shows up and offers up a lame excuse about old ladies and the road of life.

"LIES!" I growl.

He's about to say something when he spots the empty food boxes and shrugs nonchalantly.

"Today is the day that you take your real Genin Test" he produces three small bells.

"What kind of test is this?"

Kakashi is silent for a moment," The kind that if you fail…you go back to the Academy" he smiles evilly.

The words hit us all hard.

"The failure rate is 66%. Let's go!" he shouts.

"Let's do this!" we shout in unison, startling Kakashi. We all charge the surprised jonin.

"**Shadow Clone Jutsu**!" Naruto shouts and does the seals. Twenty Narutos now surround Kakashi.

"Kouhei! Make an Earth Wall under me!"

I nod and quickly flip through the seals, "**Earth Style: Mud Wall**!". A large slab of mud launches all of the Narutos into the air.

"NARUTO BLITZ!" they all pounce onto the hapless sensei, one actually clutches a bell before being stabbed with a kunai. One by one, the clones are defeated leaving the real Naruto to fight the jonin.

Kakashi disappears, reappearing behind Naruto.

"**1000 YEARS OF DEATH!**" Kakashi yells, a malicious glint in his eyes.

"Naruto-Kun, get out of there! You'll be killed!" Sakura screams.

My feet can't carry me fast enough as I see Kakashi making hand-signs. His hands end with the indexes pointed up. Kakashi's eye shines evilly before he rams the fingers up Naruto's undefended butt. Naruto flies away, a fountain of crimson jetting from his nose and heads towards the lake.

"Is that…Is that even legal?" my eyebrows twitch in annoyance.

"I didn't know that sodomy was considered a ninja art" I deadpan.

Naruto hits the water with a wet smack and sinks like a stone.

"SAKURA! OUR TURN!" I call out to her hiding place. She leaps forward, hurling shuriken by the dozen. I draw a kunai and Kakashi draws his own. Sakura doesn't last long against Kakashi's taijustu and he dispatches her with a round-house to the temple.

I square off, kunai clutched tightly.

"Hmm…your stance is perfect for a katana" Kakashi observes. Kakashi blinks and disappears.

"Fuck! I lost him".

My back begins to tingle and I whip around, barely countering the kunai that was descending to impale me. I swipe at Kakashi's legs, a move he easily avoids with a jump. He throws his kunai and horrible memories of the hospital flash through my mind. I can't dodge at the rate the kunai is traveling but I smirk regardless, startling Kakashi. The kunai hits with a sickening THWACK! Fortunately it doesn't hit me, but the clone Naruto in front of me disappears in a puff of smoke and the now lucid Sakura swipes the bells from Kakashi's weapon belt!

"All according to plan" I grin. Naruto pops out of the lake and dances with Sakura.

"We're gonna be ninja! We're gonna be ninja!".

Kakashi looks awestruck," Best teamwork I've seen in years. You all pass! Take the rest of the day off and report back here tomorrow" he allows himself a rare, genuine smile. We begin to walk off when Kakashi stops me. Kouhei, you come with me."

I nod and tell Naruto to take Sakura to dinner.

"Where are we going?"

Kakashi smiles," Like I said, you have the perfect stance for a sword."

**Well there you have it. Hope you like the fight seen, let me know if I need to change anything. R&R, flame me, whatever. Just give me some advice. See you later bros. **


	7. Death, Demons, and Torture

**He's back, back, back, back again. Contrary to popular belief, this will not stay a NaruxSaku because she is one of my least favorite characters. You will understand in future chappys but for now, just sit back, relax, and enjoy. I don't own Naruto but I do own Kouhei. Btw…there's gonna be a perty bad torture scene in this chapter…just warning you.**

Kakashi leads me through the bustling streets of Konoha towards a small but familiar weapons shop.

A girl about my age greets us at the door," Welcome! Can I help you find anything today?"

"I'm here looking for a katana for my young genin here." Kakashi gestures to me.

"Come with me, please."

She leads Kakashi away and he tells me to stay put.

I silently browse the small store that is chock-full of deadly weapons of every variety. Half an hour passes and Kakashi still hasn't returned.

"If he's reading that damn book again I swear I'll attach an exploding tag to his balls." I growl.

He finally returns ten minutes later, holding a wrapped package. He nods to me before handing the girl a very large stack of money before ushering me out.

"Here" he says simply before throwing the package at me.

"It's the toughest sword Tenten's family has ever forged."

I gently peel away the protective cloth and gape at the beauty of the blade.

Pitch-black razor sharp steel glints in the afternoon sun and curves.

"It's called Masato."

I spot the kanji for 'justice' beat into the metal near the hilt. The blade is very simple, the only decoration being a long and thorny rose wrapping its way up the blade. Kakashi hands me a glossy snow-white sheath and I slowly slide it in. Kakashi helps me strap it to my hip before beaming proudly. Without a word, I embrace my sensei. I feel him tense momentarily before relaxing and messing up my hair.

"You'll be a fine shinobi one day Kouhei. Your kenjustu training begins with me tomorrow."

***Time Skip: Seven Months***

Kakashi trained me like a dog for a hard seven months but it definitely paid off. My fifteen year old body ripples with muscle and I grow a good eight inches. I'm not the only one who's changed. Kakashi convinced another jonin to help Naruto with chakra control and his horrid excuse for taijustu.

Anko Mitarashi wasn't too excited at first, but Naruto quickly proved his loyalty by laying out a drunk who called Anko 'Snake Slut' and she then responded in kind by drop kicking a woman who called Naruto a demon.

Needless to say, they've become quite good friends.

Kakashi got Kurenai Yuuhi to tutor Sakura in the art of genjustu, something she excelled at. All in all, we were the most powerful genin team in Konoha and were highly sought after for missions.

Kakashi stops our practice early," The Hokage's gotta mission for us."

"What kind of mission?"

Kakashi turns to me before saying,"S-rank."

My jaw hits the dirt and we head for the Tower. Two ANBU guards direct us in, an air of tension hangs heavy over us.

The Third sits at his desk, looking at three forehead protectors.

All are scratched, dented, and soaked with blood.

"Who were they?" I ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

"A team I sent on a C-rank a week ago" he sighs.

Naruto and Sakura step into the office after a moment of silence.

"Whose headbands are those?"

"The headbands belong to Hinata, Kiba, and Shino" the Third hangs his head.

"Kurenai?" Kakashi asks.

"We currently haven't located her."

"What was the mission?" I ask.

"It was supposed to be a simple escort to the Land of Waves but the team was ambushed by two ninja from the Mist."

"The Demon Mist Brother." I hiss through my tightly clenched teeth. Those two bastards are known for the most brutal ambushes.

"Kakashi, Asuma's team will be accompanying you. Your mission is a three part. Find Kurenai, help the Wave, **AND BRING ME THE HEADS OF THE DEMON MIST BROTHERS ON A FUCKING PLATTER!"** the Hokage screams.

"HAI!" we shout back before leaving to arm up.

Naruto and I race for the apartment to get some heavy weaponry.

"You're changing out of…**that**" I sniff at his jumpsuit.

"And just what would you like me to where?" he gestures at his closet which houses a multitude of the abominations.

I smirk and take a bag out from under the bed.

"Merry Kami-mas." Naruto pulls out a heap of new clothing. He settles on a black sleeveless, camouflage pants, and black steel toed boots.

**(A/N think of Robin's boots from Teen Titans)**

He finishes the ensemble with a camouflage afghan.

"Ah, the afghan and pants are special ones I ordered just for us. They're woven with special chakra fibers that change the color to match the back ground" I explain.

After he steps out in his new clothes I smile," Damn, all of the girls are gonna want some Naruto 'D' now, huh?" I laugh at his blush. I pull on a white long sleeved thermal, the same boots, and the camo pants.

"Where's your afghan?" Naruto asks.

"They only had one…so I bought something else." I pull out a black stocking cap with a Konoha forehead protector sewn into the front.

"Let's do this."

We fly out of the window towards the East Gate and find our team waiting for us.

Sakura drools at the newly clothed Naruto and I spot Ino running an eye over me, which I happily return. We don't waste anytime leaving, trying to find our missing jonin as quick as possible.

*** Three Hours Later***

Kakashi and I spot the puddle at the same time.

As nonchalantly as I can, I roll an exploding tag onto a kunai.

At Kakashi's signal, I wing the kunai at the puddle.

The blast sends two ninja slamming into the trees.

"Shikamaru! Hit em' with Shadow Possession!" Asuma yells.

Before the brothers can retaliate, they find themselves bound by shadows. Kakashi and Naruto bind them with rope and tie them to a tree.

"Let me handle this" I tell Kakashi, he nods and ushers the group away.

"Where is she?" I growl. One of the brothers shrugs off his gas mask and spits in my face.

"That is something you are going to regret in about four seconds." I smile.

Grasping the ninja's tongue between my fingers I drag it out of his mouth. I smile at his brother before I slam my knee into the man's jaw, causing him to bite his tongue off. He screams in a tortured agony.

"Oh, it's not over."

I put my mouth over his and breathe a small fireball into his mouth, cauterizing the wound and scorching the inside of his mouth. I turn to the brother and ask him if he's smarter than his brother. Fear dominates the man's facial features.

"Maybe you are. Where is she?" The man looks at his brother who writhes in agony, making small choked screams in the back of his throat.

"Zabuza took her from us before we could kill her."

"What do you mean took her?" I ask.

"We were about to slit her throat and Zabuza stopped us, beat our asses, and took her to his hideout."

"Where is his hideout? Show me on this map." I demand.

The ninja nods furiously before pointing out a desolate spot in the forest.

"Well, I guess you've earned a quick death." The ninja struggles futilely against his binds before I decapitate him and his brother with my sword.

**(A/N Anyone who thinks I'm being too brutal…would you forgive the guys who just massacred a squad of 15 year olds? No.)**

I step out of the trees and their eyes widen at the blood on my katana.

"I know where she is."

**Another chapter bites the dust. R&R, flame, whatever.**


	8. Zabuza-Kun?

**Another chapter from your favorite ginger. Enjoy, I don't own Naruto but I do own Kouhei.**

We leave the decapitated bodies for the vultures and rush to Zabuza's supposed hideout.

I've already wiped the blood from my sword and clothing but the feeling of it remains on my hands, a reminder of the bloody life of a Konoha shinobi.

"We're twenty minutes out Asuma" Kakashi relays from behind me.

I push forward, and in ten minutes I spot a large building supported by large wires nestled in the forest.

"Wow…if that's not an evil hideout then Kakashi's not a perv."

I whistle for the rest of the team and they break through the bushes to my left.

Kakashi eyes the area warily, carefully scanning for traps or an ambush. Ino begins to creep forward but Naruto holds up a hand and halts her.

As if on cue, a heavy mist rolls over the area, effectively blinding us. I grip my sword tightly and strain my ears for any kind of sound.

"The lungs, heart, neck, spine. Which should I hit first?" a voice laughs from somewhere in the mist.

A girl cries out and I tense, "Fuck. That was Ino" I whisper.

I feel someone moving through the mist, slowly stalking me and waiting for the opportune time to strike. I hear Ino cry out from the center of the mist.

"Oh, I'm probably going to regret this" I mutter.

Without another second of thought, I charge towards the source of the screams. A tall man with an abhorrent lack of eyebrows holds Ino up by her ankle and laughs softly.

"Drop her. Now" I snarl.

Surprisingly enough he does, and then immediately proceeds to charge me.

That's when I glimpse his sword, a hulking mass of steel that makes me think that this guy is overcompensating for something. He swings his blade down and I barely deflect it off my blade in a shower of hot sparks.

"An aspiring swordsman? Maybe my Kurenai-Chan was right about this group."

I slide into my stance, waiting for him to strike.

"What's that stance? I've never seen that kenjustu style before."

"I call it 'Dragon Fang' in honor of my sensei's father who began to develop it." I say proudly.

"And who is your sensei's father?"

"The White Fang of Konoha, Sakumo Hatake."

Zabuza's eyes widen considerably. He disappears, leaving me on edge. My back begins to tingle strongly and I turn, countering the large blade that would have bisected me. I kick Zabuza in the chest and send him skidding across the ground.

"Hey Zabuza, can I carve you some eyebrows?" I heckle him, earning me a highly murderous glare.

He begins to raise his sword and I smirk.

"What's so funny?

" I just smirk even wider," Hey Shika, want to enlighten him?"

Zabuza stiffens before sauntering towards me.

"Got him!" Shikamaru calls from behind the tree line.

I place my sword on Zabuza's neck, "Where is Kurenai?" I hiss.

He smiles, "She's in the house with my daughter, Haku."

"Why are you holding her?" I press the sword harder, earning a small squirt of blood.

A voice I never expected to hear yells out, "What are you doing to my Zabuza-Kun?"

Kurenai stands there, hands on her hips and a death glare in her eyes.

Kakashi runs into the clearing at hearing Kurenai's voice.

**"ZABUZA-KUN?!" **I cry. The look she shoots me makes me withdraw my sword.

I try to process the words…

"Well then…will you let me go now young Shikamaru?" Zabuza asks hopefully.

"What a drag" Shikamaru sighs while withdrawing the Jutsu.

Kurenai walks forward and plants a large and wet kiss on Zabuza's lips, causing me to gag a little bit.

"Leave it to a demon to melt the Ice Queen" Asuma huffs.

"Come on in. We've got some food set up" Zabuza…smiles.

Choji cheers at the mention of food and hustles inside, dragging Shikamaru and Ino behind him like ragdolls.

***Time Skip Two Hours**

*** ** "So how did…this get started?" I ask, pointing to Kurenai and Zabuza.

"Well after the Mist Brothers wiped put my team," she wipes away a tear before continuing.

"Zabuza stopped them form slitting my throat and brought me back here to patch me up and it just kind of….happened" she smiles at Zabuza who squeezes her hand.

"I wanted to let you know…we took care of those two bastards, I cut off their fucking heads myself" I grip her shoulder.

She nods, satisfied that her team's killers were dead.

I hear footfalls behind me and I find an exceedingly beautiful girl carrying a plate of ramen.

She plops down next to Naruto, much to the annoyance of Sakura.

The girl begins to slurp down the ramen like a sexy vacuum while Naruto watches in fascination.

"What happened to the man you were supposed to escort?" Kakashi asks.

"Zabuza has him in the other room under heavy sedation; he sustained wounds during the ambush."

"Why was he a target?" I ask, not seeing the connection between the man and the brothers.

"He's a bridge-builder and long story short, a crime boss named Gato doesn't want it finished so he sent the brothers after us."

"How do you know all this?"

"Because Gato tried to pay Zabuza to do it."

I nod, gathering respect for the eybrowless swordsman of the Mist.

"We need to get Tazuna back to finish the build-site as soon as physically possible," I say. Everyone nods in agreement.

"Good," My words drip of venom**. **

**"Because when I find Gato I'm going to strangle him with his own motherfucking intestines."**

**Well…will Kouhei strangle him with his own intestines? Probably.**

**R&R, flame, whatever. See you later my sexy bro's and brodettes.**


	9. Mizuki the Jack-Rag

**What's up bro's? I've had kind of a shit day today…but I can't let it stop me from entertaining you. Enjoy. I don't own Naruto but I own Kouhei's red-headed ass.**

Zabuza takes Kakashi to Tazuna, hoping to get the older man home to his family.

"What's the mission plan?" I ask Shikamaru, already knowing that the lazy bastard is a genius when it comes to battle plans.

"That bridge needs to go up no matter what the cost is for us. Wave needs this bridge to stay alive and I don't know about you all but I'm willing to lay down my life for this mission."

The remainder of genin nod in approval…well except for Sakura who looks quite nervous.

Naruto sees her shaken state and grips her hand tightly.

"I'll protect you no matter what my beautiful cherry blossom "he whispers in her ear.

Kakashi steps in the room, an older man who can only be Tazuna in tow.

"We're moving out and heading to Tazuna's home, Zabuza and Haku will accompany us and aid us in the bridges defense."

Zabuza and Haku nod, "I would like to spar with the young swordsman when we arrive at Tazuna-San's home" Zabuza smiles.

I grin in response, eager to fight one of the Seven Swordsman.

Tazuna assures us that there will be room for all of us.

"Tazuna, let's get you home" Naruto leads the older man out the door.

"When do you think he'll realize he's going the wrong way" I whisper to Kakashi.

He just laughs and ruffles my hair.

***Time Skip of Seven Hours* **

Tazuna smiles happily at finally being home…mostly unmarred.

A very pretty blue-haired girl runs from the house and tackles Tazuna in a hug.

"It's so good to have you home father!" she cries into his chest.

Naruto and I smile at the warm greeting but we still feel a twinge in our hearts…we never go to greet our father.

A little boy steps out from the house and watches the scene with a surprisingly cold indifference.

I study the kid; short brown hair is covered with a large hat, obscuring his face.

"Inari, come and greet your grandfather" the woman scolds.

"Why should I? We're all going to die anyways" he scoffs.

"Naruto and I are going to have a **BIG **problem with this little snot.

"Great to see that you've taken the 'respect for your elders' thing to heart kid" I say calmly.

The little shit just glares at me and walks back into the house.

"What's his problem?" I ask.

"Gato killed his father."

I inwardly wince, knowing that I probably jumped the gun a little bit. "I'm sorry…"

Tsunami holds her hand to stop me.

"You couldn't possibly have known. Please come in, you're all probably very tired" she ushers us inside.

The house is O.C.D clean and tidy.

We set our shoes by the door and join the family in the living room.

"Kakashi, Naruto and I are going out for a bit to train. Is that alright?" I ask our jonin.

He's too busy eyeing Tsunami to even notice. I just shrug and begin to leave with Naruto.

"Can I come?" Haku asks. I nod and she runs to catch up. Sakura huffs in annoyance.

"Possessive girlfriend you have Naruto-Kun" Haku laughs.

I grimace, knowing that Sakura heard the suffix.

Naruto, being the oblivious dork that he is, just smiles and laughs, much to Sakura's dismay.

We head for a nearby clearing, ready to battle.

Haku is the first to surprise anyone by making ice mirrors.

"Holy shit. A bloodline?" Naruto gapes.

Haku looks at the ground.

"You okay?" he grips her shoulder.

"You're not afraid of a bloodline?" she asks hesitantly.

Naruto just smiles again, "I have my own bloodline in all technicality"

I confirm this," Think we can tell her?"

"Yeah, I think she'll understand."

"Well it all began with a jack-rag named Mizuki."

_**Flash Back**_

_Naruto came out of the Academy, head down low. _

_"What happened?" I asked, concerned for my surrogate brother. _

_"Iruka said my chakra control is almost non-existent and that I might never graduate." _

_I feel for my brother, my lack of genjustu comprehension almost got me booted from the Academy. _

_Footsteps announced the arrival of your other teacher, Mizuki. I always had a dislike of the silver-haired chunnin, he always seemed…disingenuous. _

_"So your chakra control is bad? And Kouhei, I know that your genjustu lacks in a lot of ways"_

_I grit my teeth silently but allow him to go on. _

_"The Hokage keeps a scroll in the vaults, one that instructors used to use for students with control problems. We stopped using it after the teachers had a sense of the instructions and no longer required the scroll. If you can get the scroll for me I can teach you the techniques" Mizuki smiles slightly._

_ Naruto of course agrees whole-heartedly and rushes off. _

_I have no choice but to follow._

_ I stop him in a nearby alley," Let me get the scroll, you wait in our spot in the forest ok?" I tell him, not at all trusting that man._

_ He nods and leaves, and I map out a plan to get the scroll. _

***Three Hours Later* **

_The scroll is strapped securely to my back and I hop through the trees. _

_I spot a flash of orange and land in the clearing next to Naruto. "Here" I hand him the scroll. We open it gently and gaze at the words inside._

_ "Hey Naruto, why don't you learn the Shadow Clone Justu and I'll learn this one" I point to an interesting looking fire style jutsu._

_ We get to work immediately and within hours we've mastered our jutsu's._

_ "KOUHEI AND NARUTO!" a voice yells from a tree._

_ Iruka stand above us, arms crossed and glaring. "Kouhei! You've stolen a scroll of forbidden justu! What were you thinking?!" he shouts. _

_Naruto and I look at each other, "Forbidden justu? Mizuki told us that this was a chakra control scroll" Naruto and I say together. _

_"Mizuki? Why would he tell you that?" Iruka asks. _

_A cackle interrupts our conversation._

_ Mizuki stands above us, a large shuriken in his hands._

_ "Bastard. You tricked us" I hiss. He just laughs louder. _

_"Did you really think I'd help the Nine-Tailed Brat?" _

_Naruto and I stiffen, "What are you talking about you lying snake?" I snarl._

_ "Oh that's right, neither of them know" Mizuki smirks._

_ Iruka throws a dozen shuriken, trying to shut Mizuki up. "STOP IT MIZUKI!" Iruka cries out. _

_"The Fourth Hokage didn't kill the Kyubbi; he trapped it in a boy, AND THAT BOY IS YOU, NARUTO UZUMAKI!" _

***FLASHBACK ENDING***

Haku gapes, "The Kyubbi is sealed inside of you?"

Naruto nods grimly, "She's my bloodline.

"What happened with that traitor?"

Naruto and I smirk," Naruto's shadow clones clobbered him **and my fire justu incinerated him."**

**Well I'm clocking off for the day. R&R, Flame, whatever. See you later bro's.**


	10. Hey There Little Fuck

**And I'm back bro's. Got a new chapter for you loyal bro's today. I don't own Naruto but I do own Kouhei's ass. The next chapter shall be the bridge finale.**

Haku ends up dragging us back to the house and plopping us down onto the floor by the kitchen table.

Inari sits at the table with the rest of the squad eating a very tasting looking fish.

Naruto and I pull ourselves onto the chairs and dig in when Tsunami puts some plates in front of us.

Halfway through my second helping Inari decides to pipe up.

"Why do you guys try so hard? Gato's going to slaughter you, just like he did my father."

I put my chopsticks down and glare at him.

"I'm going to rip Gato apart when I meet him, don't you **DARE** doubt us" I snarl.

Inari doesn't miss a beat," Shut up, you act all tough but you're just a punk. You don't know the suffering and pain I've been through, so don't you dare talk down to me. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PAIN IS!" Inari screams.

Naruto stands from his chair so fast that it topples over.

"We don't know about pain?" he hisses, eyes flaring slightly crimson.

"Naruto and I are the village outcasts, not allowed in 90% of the fucking stores and restaurants in our own goddamn village, we know suffering beyond anything you could comprehend you little shit!"

"GATO KILLED MY FATHER!" Inari yells back.

"WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW OUR PARENTS! WE'VE BEEN IN AN ORPHANAGE SINCE WE WERE BORN! WE WERE ABUSED BY EVERY MOTHERFUCKER AND HIS BROTHER, CONSTANTLY TORMENTED FOR REASONS THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR! I'M NOT GONNA SIT HERE WHILE YOU PISS AND MOAN ABOUT BAD FORTUNE, SO YOU CAN EITHER HELP OR SIT IN THE CORNER AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Naruto rages.

He storms out, tears streaming down his face.

Sakura makes no move to comfort him but Haku is up and after him in a millisecond.

Inari sprints to his room and slams the door.

"Why'd Haku go with Naruto? We know he'll be alright" Sakura says, flashing her complete ignorance to the person Naruto really is.

I just shake my head at her and go to Inari's room.

Ino walks next to me, clutching my hand tightly.

Sniffles and not well hidden sobs echo from Inari's room.

I sigh, knowing we were a little hard on the kid.

Ino slides the door open and we step in.

Inari sits on a desk, watching the ocean and clutching a picture tightly to his chest.

I sit next to him.

"I'm sorry; I know… we were rough on you. We've all been through Hell and back it seems" I ruffle his hair slightly.

He doesn't say anything so I press on," What Naruto said is true, there comes a time that when everything is at risk when you have to buck up, stand firm, and laugh at what life throws at you. You'll understand soon, kid. Make your dad proud."

I stand and take Ino's hand again, leading her from the room. We stop in the hall outside my room, the moonlight glinting off of Ino's hair.

She looks ethereal, as majestic as a spirit.

She pulls me into a tight hug and whispers words of comfort into my ear.

My heart clenches as I hear her melodic voice whispering deep into my ear.

"Fuck it" I think to myself before leaning in and capturing her lips with mine.

She stiffens for a second before attacking my lips with a renewed vigor, trying to gain dominance over me.

I'll have none of it, and I go onto the offensive, quickly driving her back onto the defensive.

Our tongues begin a conflict that could shame The Third Shinobi War.

Of course because human needs sucks, we have to come up for air.

"Wow" she smiles.

I'm admittedly a little light-headed and can only utter a slight squeak.

Thankfully Ino giggles and kisses me once more, "I'll see you in the morning".

I nod stupidly before she walks away.

I step into my room and fall onto the bed, contemplating how awesome that was.

**The Next Morning**

Kakashi wakes us up early; Tazuna has decided to finish up the bridge today. All of us including Zabuza and a surprisingly happy Naruto who's chatting away with Haku arrive at the bridge.

Something is way off.

The work site is completely silent; you could hear a pin drop from Konoha.

Sakura gasps and points to a section of the bridge.

We follow her finger and the sight almost makes me gag, bodies upon body are stacked upon each other in a sick pile of decay. Sakura and Ino vomit over the side and Naruto shivers.

"What. The. Fuck?" Kakashi gasps.

"Nice of you to finally show up" a cocky voice yells out from behind us.

A short and pudgy man casually walks towards us, at least three hundred hired thugs trail behind him.

I shift nervously in my sword stance, eyeing the goons.

He steps beside Haku, "What do you say to a little fuck, sweetie?" he smirks.

Haku just grins,"Hey there little fuck."

Gato growls and steps back.

"So you're Gato? Figures you're wanted for rape, with a face like that you probably had no choice, you have a face your mom couldn't even love" I smirk, trying to egg the tiny bastard on.

His eye twitches and he sends two of his assholes forward.

They rush forward, eager to chalk up a kill to brag about.

They're still smiling when they reach me, still smiling when I slash, not smiling when they slide apart into four distinctive pieces.

I carelessly flick the blood off my blade and laugh.

"It's going to feel so good ripping your intestines out you little pustule" I smile devilishly.

I hiss one more phrase before the whole army of lowlifes charge.

"_**Bring it."**_

**Another chapter in the bag. R&R, flame, whatever. See you later bro's.**


	11. Zai and the New Eye

**Sorry that I've kept you guys waiting. Here's a new chappy and enjoy! I don't own Naruto for fucks sake.**

The war cries of three hundred men hit the air like a hurricane, causing most of the group to stiffen.

Gato hides behind his army of hired muscle, flesh, and steel with a giant grin on his face and a perverted glimmer in his eyes whenever he looks at one of our females.

Naruto gives the Kyuubi a little flexibility, much to the blood-thirsty creature's delight.

I channel fire chakra into the rose on my blade, causing it to glow red with energy.

The thugs finally realize that they were sent on a suicide mission a little too late, they've come within range of our kill zone.

The tidal wave of flesh hits our ranks and disperses us, leaving every ninja stranded to engage in their own small battles.

A group of twenty surrounds me with an eager glint in their eyes.

"Don't fight and we'll make this fast" one with a face that could cause villagers to chase him with pitchforks and torches cackles.

I just smirk and slash off his fingers, "How about you go hobble off and die in the shade somewhere fuck-face?" I snarl through my teeth.

Screaming echoes from behind me and I spy Zabuza wreaking havoc on the untrained idiots.

Eager to impress him, I begin to carve my own swath of destruction and death through the thugs ranks.

I gut enemy after enemy, entrails splash onto my shoulder and I bellow," **COME YOU FOOLS! MEET YOUR DEATH WITH SOME KIND OF HONOR YOU PUSTULES!" **

An explosion knocks me off of my feet and into the smelly arms of three bandits who drag me to the floor.

"Got you, you little son of a bitch."

I struggle against my restraints but find the effort to be in vain.

One pulls a knife from his belt and stalks towards me.

He plunges it into my left eye and twists.

I grit my teeth against the pain, trying not to give them the victory of hearing me scream.

I feel a finger dig into the socket, scooping the dripping remains and dragging my optic nerve out of my skull.

At the feeling of the nerve snapping I howl, a scream that echoes off the eardrums of every person on the bridge and every poor sod in Wave Country.

The bandits laugh riotously and throw my eye over the bridge laughing the entire time.

The agony is too much for me to handle and I almost black out but I'm stopped by a dress shoe to my face.

Gato stands over me and smirks. He swings his foot back and kicks me harder in the ribs before digging his fingers into my empty socket and drags his nails along the empty cavern.

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" **I scream at the intrusion.

"Fuck, Kami if-if you're there…please just help me out. I'm…I'M BEGGING YOU!" I scream into my head.

After a moment of hard silence and no divine light I give up my hopes of a rescue before I'm slaughtered.

I muster all of the bravado I have and hawk a loogie into Gato's face and admire the bloody saliva that rolls under his glasses. His face reddens to a degree that I thought wasn't humanly possible.

He draws a sword that was hidden in his cane and lines it up with my sternum.

"This, little ninja, is where you meet your maker" he smiles tightly.

I don't pay any attention the tiny ass's words and I let a bored expression creep onto my face.

His face reddens even more, making me wonder when he's going to explode.

His next words are dulled by a sudden rushing in my ears and my chest tightening.

**"I have heard your request little one" a voice whispers in my mind.**

The sword hurtles into my chest and shatters into a million shards.

**"Gato, you are a stain on the moral cleanliness of this realm and it's your time of death is nigh." The voice says through my mouth while my body rises from the cement.**

Tugging in my back draws my curiosity and I focus my good eye behind me and gasp. Reddish wings have shredded the clothing on my back and spread wide and proud.

**(A/N Not like Sasuke's dumbass bat wings, these are more like a dove's but red with a golden shimmer at the bottom)**

All of the thugs have stopped and stare in awe at the sight before them.

**"Your eye will be difficult to replace young Kouhei but I will find a suitable replacement for you my brave ninja."**

The other ninja take the surprised thugs by…well…surprise and rip them to gory chunks, their blood mingling on the ground in an intricate spider web of crimson.

I groan and clutch my eye tightly; a searing pain almost makes me cry out again.

**"This is your reward for allowing me to come onto this plain of existence; people don't realize they need a blood offering to bring me into their world." **

"You're not Kami are you?"

**"No, but I am the next best thing. You may call me Zai. I have gifted you with my eye, equal to any bloodline." **

An image of my eye flashes before me. A black kanji for 'Legend' replaces my pupil and cornea while the whites of my eye have turned a perfect shade of royal purple.

"Not bad" I whistle.

**"I'm glad you find it appealing. Now my new champion, go and wipe the scum form this bridge." Zai growls into my subconscious.**

An unfamiliar energy rushes through me and I spring onto the remaining thugs, ripping out their throat with my fingers.

Gato is currently sprinting towards a large, waiting boat.

I break the sound barrier with my new speed and create a rather impressive sonic boom.

My hand grips Gato's disgusting throat while I drag my sword against his stomach with a sadistic grin.

He begs for mercy before his eyes bug out of his head when my blade enters his gut.

He gags and topples backwards after I run my sword up, splitting the skin and freeing his intestines to the world.

True to my word, I wrap the insides, now outsides, around Gato's still breathing neck.

I tie a noose around his neck and drop him over the side of the bridge; one last gurgling scream erupts from his mouth before the rope snags and breaks his neck.

He dangles there, blood leaking like a waterfall from his stomach and a permanent scream, etched on his face.

"KOUHEI!" Ino tackles me with a hug.

"We heard you scream and I thought…I thought you were dead!" she sobs.

I hold her close and run my fingers through her golden tresses gently and soothingly.

Kakashi appears next," Where's Gato?"

I smirk on the inside before I tell him.

**"Oh he's just…hanging around."**

**Done. R&R, Flame, Whatever. See you on the other side bro's.**


	12. Cat-Suited Trannies

**Guess whose baaaack? New chappy for my readers. Don't own Naruto you goddamn lawyers.**

All three hundred men met their demises on the bridge that day.

Tazuna decided to name it 'The Great Zai Bridge' in honor of the deity that came to our aid when we needed him the most.

Inari got a lot of respect from Naruto and I with his efforts in raising an army to come to our assistance if needed; he had finally learned what it was to be a man.

After a few days of rest and relaxation, we decided to say goodbye to the now rebuilding Wave.

Kakashi congratulated all of us individually on our bravery during our first battle.

Naruto had to comfort Sakura who was having trouble dealing with her first kills.

I didn't blame her; the Academy didn't prepare you for this kind of gore and bloodshed.

Kakashi had a very…'interesting' goodbye with Tsunami who planted a kiss on the surprised copy ninja's mouth after she yanked off his only barrier to the world.

He went stiff as a board before finally realizing what was happening and gladly returned the kiss tenfold, much to the chagrin of all others who bore witness.

She asked Kakashi to let her move to Konoha with Inari to live with him.

I silently prayed that he would take the chance to finally start a family.

Kakashi, who was in the process of returning his mask to its original place, dropped it onto the ground and exposed the wide smile on his face to the world. He scooped her up into a hug and told her to pack both their bags.

Tsunami squealed and sprinted back into the house dragging a grinning Inari with her.

Kakashi smiled wide at the shocked faces of his comrades and extended an invitation to Zabuza and Haku to also join Konoha, which they readily agreed to.

Tsunami was out a few minutes later and we began our journey back to Konoha.

***Time Skip to Konoha* **

The great gates of our village loom into view and we smile, grateful for the time we spent slaying the scum of the Earth to be over.

"Great to see you-"the gate Chunnin gawks at Zabuza and bows deeply.

"Team 7 plus five, reporting back from our C-rank" Kakashi relays to the guard who opens the gates to us.

"The Hokage will want to see you immediately."

We nod and hurry to the tower, eager to tell our tale.

Zabuza, Haku, Tsunami, and Inari look around at the peaceful village in awe.

People still glare at Naruto and I, some even going as far as to hurl stones at us.

"Same old Konoha" I sigh.

A rock collides with my head and I growl.

"WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST DIE ON THAT MISSION YOU-" A rock cuts him off as it slams into his throat.

The man crumples to the ground gasping for air and telling the other villagers that the 'demons' attacked him.

A crowd begins to converge on us when surprisingly Zabuza comes to our rescue.

"Back. Off." He hisses at the crowd.

He releases a killing intent that makes me cringe and I detect the scent of feces in the air, several people in the crowd have shit themselves. They disperse as quickly as they gathered and I thanks Zabuza who just waves it off.

The guards to the Hokage's office usher us in happily. The Third stands behind his desk facing out of the window.

"I'm glad to see you alive Kurenai. Interesting new 'feature' Kouhei."

He turns to face us and he smiles at Kakashi and his new family.

"You go on a two-week mission and come back with a girlfriend and a kid? Not bad Kakashi." The Third teases our sensei.

The Hokage takes in our appearances, bloody and covered in grime.

"Get a change of clothes after you sign these" he produces a bunch of papers. "These are applications for the Chunnin Exams and I want you all to enter."

Naruto and I sign without hesitation while Sakura eyes the paper warily.

"I don't know if I'm ready."

I sigh at her lack of self-confidence and tell Naruto to make her sign the goddamn paper.

He nods and coaxes her into signing which she does with a lot of loud complaining.

The Hokage ushers us out, wanting some alone time with Haku and Zabuza.

Naruto decides to take Sakura out and I kiss Ino goodbye, needing to do something.

I head away from the tower towards the apartment only to be stopped by a large cry of pain.

The yelp came from an alley to my right and when I turn the corner I spot a giant….cat?

No.

A cat-suited teen…weird.

He's holding the Hokage's grandson by the front of his scarf and dangles him above the ground while another person watches, a blonde with four pigtails and a big-ass battle fan.

"Kankuro! Knock it off already," the blonde hisses.

"I agree with the lady, drop him before I stomp your ass into the dust."

The teen turns to me and I spot the makeup on his face.

"HAHAHAHA OH KAMI YOU LOOK LIKE A CAT-SUITED TRANNY!" I laugh hysterically, much to the Suna ninja's own embarrassment.

"It's war paint" he mumbles.

"Who's it supposed to scare? KAMI LOOK OUT! IIT'S MAKEUP!" I clutch my sides and wheeze.

The blonde joins me in my hysterical laughter. The cat man drops the kid and turns to me.

"Call the red-head down from the tree" I interrupt his idle threat and their eyes widen.

Sand. Lots of the stuff pours down from a tree and forms a kid with the kanji for 'love' on his forehead and a large gourd on his back.

"Who are you?" he says in an always pleasing monotone.

"Kouhei Uzumaki, and I'm guessing that you're Gaara of the Sand? I've heard about you."

He eyes me over in an uncomfortable scrutinizing way. "I will have your blood."

"**Cool. Bring it on Sand Bitch."**

**AAAAAAAAAND I'm done. R&R, Flame, Review, whatever.**


	13. Enter Sasuke

**Sorry for the delay…been sick…NEW CHAPTER! ENTER SASUKE!**

Sand swirls like a hurricane around the younger Suna ninja like a barrier. The bloodlust in his eyes makes me shudder despite the heat.

"MOTHER WILL TASTE YOUR BLOOD!" he snarls at me.

"Tell 'mother' that the only person who can have my blood is me, motherfucker!" I snarl right back.

I feel a tap on my shoulder that's rough…like…**sandpaper.**

"Oh shit" I roll to the side a fraction of a second before the sand that had snuck behind me crashes to the ground in an impact that would have shattered my ribs.

Before I can draw my sword the cat tranny and the cute blonde whisper into Gaara's ears, causing him to crease his brow in frustration.

"Mother will taste you later" he walks away, dragging the other two behind him.

"Usually when someone says their mom's going to taste me…I get excited" I laugh to myself.

The encounter has left me really shaken, that bastard's sand was too fast…I've got to find a way around that.

"Hmmm…Got it" I grin wickedly. "My fire justu should be powerful enough to turn his sand into nice and still glass."

"Whew, that was close, I was worried that guy was going to hurt you" an unfamiliar voice says.

I turn and see a kid my age, spiky black hair that slightly reminds me of a duck's ass.

"And you are?" I extend my hand.

"Sasuke Uchiha" he takes my hand.

"An Uchiha? I've got to remember to watch you during the exams."

He smiles a little.

"Why don't I show you around Konoha?" I offer, knowing that he could use a tour.

He nods happily before walking with me down the crowded market street. I ignore the hateful glances and muttered curses but Sasuke picks up on them.

"Why are they looking at you like that?" he asks.

"Well…when your brother is the container of the Kyuubi…" I grin sheepishly, half expecting the kid to run for the hills.

"That's the reason people hate you? What bullshit" he growls.

I'm silent for a good moment.

"We need more people like you in this village" I sigh.

He smiles again.

We walk around for a solid two hours before we stumble upon the other Konoha genin.

"Hey guy, this is Sasuke Uchiha" I introduce him…frowning at how familiar that name sounds.

"My dream…I'm supposed to kick his ass…why?" I ask myself.

When I see the way Sakura and Ino…appraise him, I think I might have an idea.

I shoot both of the girls daggers, slightly startling Ino out of her stupor while Sakura continues to ogle.

"If she hurts Naruto I swear to Kami I'll hang her from a lamppost"

I make a mental note to keep an eye on her.

Ino looks at me, embarrassed and apologizes with her eyes.

My eyes, on the other hand, simply say "Fuck off" I know it may be a little insecure to be angry but it still stings that she was ogling another dude.

"C'mon Sasuke, let me show you to where you're most likely staying" I say, trying to get him away from the girls.

He nods and I lead him towards a hotel where visitors usually bunk.

"My family is probably waiting for me inside" he gestures to the building, his Kumo forehead protector gleaming in the afternoon sun.

I shake his hand before he leaves to go inside. Tomorrow is the day of the exams and I definitely need some rest.

***TIME SKIP: DAY OF THE EXAMS***

I don't sleep at all; thinking about Ino's wandering eyes.

Naruto, Sakura, and I meet up with Kakashi at the exam building where he wishes us luck.

We all nod and step into the building before going up two floors and finding Room 302…or so we think.

Two 'genin' guard the door, not allowing anyone in.

I whisper to my teammates that this is an obvious genjustu and we should move on. They agree and we leave the other genin to their fates.

We arrive in the real Room 302 and find our classmates chatting up a silver-haired kid with large, circular glasses.

"Ah, it looks like you guys made it past the genjustu downstairs. Congratulations" the silver-haired kid smiles.

I notice a stack of cards in his hand but decide to ignore them. Three Sound ninja step through the door and eye the kid.

"Kabuto" One whispers before charging.

Kabuto easily dodges the bandaged ninja and laughs before his glasses crack and he doubles over, puking his guts out.

"Ew!" Sakura squeals before ducking behind Naruto.

"ALRIGHTY YOU WEAK PILES OF SKIN! SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" a large scarred man roars at us.

I immediately plop down in the nearest chair and take his advice of shutting the fuck up.

"My name is Ibiki, your first exam proctor. You will be taking a written exam. If I catch your sorry ass cheating you will be dismissed and sent home so fast your headbands will spin! NOW GET STARTED!" he screams, thoroughly scaring the living shit out of me.

I flip over my test and my eyes bug out of my face.

"WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?!" I howl into mind at the problems in front of me.

_"If the kunai leaves the shinobi's hand traveling at fifty miles per hour how long will it take for it to travel along the perpendicular bisector of Mexico's northern most city?"_ the first question reads.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS A MEXICO?!" I scream before covering my mouth, anime tears running down my face.

Ibiki snickers from the front of the room and I fume silently.

"Ibiki…I will kill you…." I cry silently.

A kunai slams into the test form of the genin next to me.

"You're out Numbers 109, 122, and 129 are dismissed" Ibiki calls from the front.

The kid protests for a few seconds before hanging his head and exiting.

An agonizing hour passes and three more genin teams are caught.

"LISTEN UP! You will now have the option of answering one final question. If you say no, leave and if you say yes and get it wrong you will be barred from the Chunnin Exams for life."

A large gasp emanates from the crowd and six teams drop.

"For those who stayed…YOU PASS!" Ibiki smiles.

"**THE FUCK YOU SAY NOW?!"**

**WELL THAT'S IT FOR THIS CHAPTER. R&R, flame, whatever. See you later bro's. **


	14. Didn't Know We Could Sing Did You?

**And I'm back my faithful readers with another chapter to quench your thirst. I don't own Naruto but I do own Kouhei's ass. I also don't own Asking Alexandria or Steel Panther. I'm putting two songs into this chapter, one funny and one sad. Hopes you likes its. **

"We…pass?" the blonde Suna girl gasps.

"Are you newbies fucking deaf or something? Yes, you passed" Ibiki laughs.

I glare at the renowned interrogator,"You're a dick. You know that?"

He just smiles.

A shadow crosses the window before smashing the glass. A banner sticks to the ceiling by two kunai before unraveling, revealing the very sexy Anko Mitarashi.

She smiles and points to the banner that reads," The Very Sexy and Still Surprisingly Single Anko!" which I have to laugh at her goofball antics.

Someone has the balls to throw change at her.

"Why did you throw change?" someone at the back of the room asks.

"I made it hail, that's where you throw change at sluts" the boy snickers.

He's pinned to the floor with my sword to his neck before he can even piss himself.

"Call her a slut again and I'll take away your ability to procreate" I hiss into his face.

Now he pisses himself. He nods furiously and I haul him up by his neck.

Anko stands at the front of the room, very surprised to see someone other than Naruto standing up for her.

I nod for her to continue while I discreetly scoop up the change and pocket it.

What?

It's free money…don't you judge me.

"My name is Anko and I'll be your second proctor for the exams. Meet at Training Ground 44 in two hours."

She then disappears in a swirl of leaves.

Naruto and I just body flicker to the field and leave the others in the dust.

We arrive with the full two hours ahead of everyone else and find Anko enjoying some tasty dango.

"What's up Naruto? Who's your friend?" she gestures to me.

"This is my brother, Kouhei" he smiles at the Snake Mistress.

"Thanks for the kind words…why would you defend Orochimaru's apprentice?" she asks, slightly hesitant.

"You were Old Snake Pedo's student? Is that supposed to scare me away?" I smile.

She looks at me, like she's trying to see if I'm lying. "You really don't care?"

I shake my head in a no.

"Why would I? You're a human being who just happened to be training under him? That doesn't make you anymore evil than Naruto and his Fox" I reason.

She nods slowly, finally understanding that she now has another person that cares for her.

"I'm bored" Naruto grumbles.

I pull out a summoning scroll.

"Well we could always show Anko-Chan what we've been working on."

Naruto nods excitedly.

He bite me thumb and let the blood fall onto the paper.

Two guitars, a microphone, and a drum set pop out.

"Which song do you want to do?" I ask.

"We could always scare the shit out of her with **Dear Insanity**" he grins evilly.

I take hold of the mike and tell Anko to put some healing chakra into her ears.

I take a **very** large breath.

"**OOOOOH SWEET INSANITY!**

**You take my hand and walk me out into the dark**

**We walk this road for hours and hours**

**To the white hills, and the oceans**

**On a collision course, to hell we march**

**We're doomed to this now**

**Oh the irony**

**If I'm going down I won't go down alone**

**You're doomed to this one**

**You're doomed to this now**

**Hold your breath my dear**

**We're going under **

I take another large breath, taking time to admire the area of flattened grass around our makeshift stage.

Naruto rips on his guitar while one of his shadow clones slams the drums in an excited fury.

The loud and angry music has brought a large crowd of ninja to the site.

**I've walk this road for hours**

**To the white hills, and the oceans**

**I search for solace in this toxic land of sin**

**Just let me in**

**Don't wake me up, their songs are soothing**

**Their wine subdues me**

**Hold your breath my dear**

**We're going under**

We wrote this song when we first got out of that hellhole of an 'orphanage'. We were filled with so much anger; we just wanted to scream…so we did. We just started screaming and putting lyrics into it.

The feelings we held were poured into our lyrics and instruments, it released all of our hate that we held towards this biased and bigoted village. All the beatings, starvings, stabbings, burnings, attempted castrations were all thrown into this song.

I notice that a majority of the crowd is head banging, including Anko.

**Dreams, my mind won't me lift from my dreams**

**And thought I try I can't escape my mind**

**Dreams, my mind won't lift me from my dreams**

**And though you try you can't escape me**

**Now you've seen what I've become**

**Now you've seen what I can do**

**Now you've seen what I'm capable of**

**I've walk this road for hours to the white hills, and the oceans**

**I search for solace in this toxic land of sin**

**Just let me in**

**Don't wake me up, their songs are soothing**

**Their wine subdues me**

**Welcome to the diary of a man that lost his mind so long ago**

**Welcome to the shell of a man with a heart so black and cold**

**Over and over in my head.**

With a final ear shattering scream the song ends in a crash of emotions. The crowd screams for one more song.

"Hey Naruto...how about Turn Out the Lights?" I ask with a smirk.

He laughs hysterically while nodding.

I lean into the microphone, "This is a song we wrote after we overheard a conversation between a man and his ugly girlfriend."

I try desperately not to break down and laugh at this ridiculous song.

**So you're big and kinda hairy**

**Like a monkey at the zoo**

**I don't care if you're a monkey**

**With an ass that's red and blue**

**Cause I'm gonna fuck you doggy-style**

**The way chihuahua's do**

**But I got one request**

**That I just have to ask of you**

**Turn out the lights**

**Before you suck my dick**

**Someone beat you with an ugly stick**

**I wanna fuck, but you make me sick, so**

**Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights**

Naruto and most of the crowd have tears streaming down their faces from laughter at our disgusting ode to bar wenches.

We felt so bad for the guy that we kept his identity a secret.

**So you think that I'm a loser**

**Cause I used to be in Jail**

**And I got my GED Diploma**

**Last week in the mail**

**Well at least a man can exercise**

**If he gets too fat**

**But I got news for you**

**Your face will always look like that**

**Turn out the lights**

**Before I take a ride**

**You don't seem to have a "good side"**

**Whip out a condom and the astro-glide**

**Turn out the lights Turn out the lights**

**I think I'm gonna hurl**

**Jesus Christ I hope that you're a girl**

**Open your mouth, baby, here come the pearls**

**Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights**

Most of the crowd now lies on the ground, desperately clutching their sides in pain.

I spot the emotionless Gaara in the crowd and I'm delighted to see that he's even trying to suppress a smile.

Naruto and I laugh harder at knowing who this song is about.

**Tell me when it's over**

**Please tell me you don't have VD**

**Thank god that it's over, yeah**

**Well we all have indiscretions**

**I think you're my BIGGEST yet**

**Had to roll you in some flour**

**Just to find where you were wet**

**Well this never would've happened**

**If I hadn't lost that bet**

**I wonder if our grand-kids**

**Will ask us how we met**

The poor man we sing about is none other than Asuma Sarutobi who was so obliterated by Sake that he took this girl home with him….the Daimyo's wife, the crazy cat lady and owner of the devil cat Tora.

Yes.

The son of the Hokage slept with the least attractive woman on the entire fucking continent.

**Turn out the lights**

**Girl it's way to bright**

**I don't wanna look at your cellulite**

**There ain't nothing on your body that's tight**

**Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights**

**Before you take off your clothes**

**I wanna tie you up with some garden hose**

**Slap your tits and rub my balls on your nose**

**Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights**

**Before we do the deed**

**Before I cover your box with my seed**

**I'm gonna pound ya 'till ya fucking start to bleed, bitch**

**Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights!**

The song finally ends and the crowd is hysterical with laughter and Naruto and I spot Asuma in in the crowd giving us the evil eye.

"**WE ARE THE FOX AND THE RED! THANK YOU KONOHA! GOODNIGHT!"**

**Well that's another chapter down. R&R, Flame, whatever. **

**Songs used**

**Dear Insanity by Asking Alexandria**

**Turn out the Lights by Steel Panther**


	15. Death Sucks

**New chapter for you guys. Giving a shout out to Silvermane1 for being the ONE person who's reviewed so far. Don't own Naruto but I own my OC. Get ready for a death you never thought you'd see.**

The crowd cheered for us, a feeling Naruto and I have never experienced.

We seal the concert equipment back into the scroll and allow Anko to begin explaining the new test.

"Before I send you into the forest I need you all to sign these waivers. They are to negate any legal obligations to Konoha should you perish in this exam."

A lot of the kids shudder at the prospect of dying.

"Bring it shinigami" I think to myself.

Death is not a thing that scares me; if I'm going to die…I'm going to make sure I have fun doing it with my hands around the throat of my opponent.

Anko hands out the papers and the genin as a whole sign them.

"You will be given a 'Heaven' of an 'Earth' scroll, the point of the exam is to collect both and make it to the tower in the center of the forest. You have five days to complete this test, those who don't make it don't pass, obviously."

We are lead to a large gate at the entrance of the forest.

"Hey Anko-Chan, if I survive…how about I take you out for some dango? My treat" I smile at the stunning snake mistress.

She contemplates the offer before nodding with a small smile.

"Why not? Could be fun." I grin like an idiot before charging into the forest to my possible death.

Sakura sticks close to Naruto, using him like a shield should anything happen.

"I've got my eyes on you bitch."

Naruto notices my glare and raises his eyebrow questioningly.

I wave him closer," Sakura was ogling the Uchiha when I introduced him…I'm keeping my eye on her" I whisper into his ear.

I can literally see his heart shatter in his eyes.

"Hey, don't worry. She's got the greatest guy in the world by her side. She'd be an idiot to ruin this" I squeeze his shoulder.

He nods glumly but I see his hope rise slightly.

We flit along the trees a little longer before an agonized scream draws my attention.

Naruto diverts us towards the source of the screams.

Sasuke is battling against a grass ninja bravely, his teammates corpses are scattered along the ground.

All of them are mutilated, some even…**castrated.**

I draw Masato and charge the ninja. "**Lightning Scythe**!" I scream, charging my blade with chakra.

"Ahh, kukuku it's Kouhei and Naruto-Kun" the ninja smiles.

My slice cuts straight through the ninja's neck before he collapses into mud.

"Fuck" I hiss.

The real ninja slices his own sword across my back.

My teeth clack together to stop the scream.

"SAVE SASUKE-KUN!" two voices scream at once. Sakura and Ino charge the ninja, kunai drawn.

"Kun?" I whisper, all feelings of hope leaving my heart.

"When are you going to take off the mask…Orochi?" I ask in a flat monotone.

The ninja laughs before peeling off his face, revealing the snake sannin.

"Great…The Snake Pedo has graced us with his presence" I deadpan.

Orochimaru's eye twitches and a blush crosses his face. "I can't stay…I only need Naruto and Sasuke for my plans" the sannin flashes through seals before his neck extends and sinks it's fangs into Naruto and Sasuke's necks.

Both cry in what I can only describe as pure agony, writhing on the ground.

My heart breaks to see that Sakura rushes to Sasuke's aid.

The cut on my back screams and bleeds.

"Poisoned" I gasp before collapsing. Ino doesn't move from Sasuke's side.

"I-Ino…help" I grunt.

"Kouhei, I'm dealing with Sasuke-Kun. You can wait!" she yells.

If it's even possible, my heart breaks even more.

I will my body to stand, which it does shakily.

I scoop up Naruto and Sasuke before hobbling over to a tree that has a large hollow at the base.

With a shit-ton of difficulty, I unroll the bed rolls and place both of the unconscious teens onto them.

Ino finally fucking realizes I'm hurt, seeing that my shirt is almost completely red.

"Kouhei you're hurt! Let me-" she reaches her hand to help but I slap it away.

"Fuck off. Where were you when I asked for help?" I snarl.

Before she can respond I leave to set up traps.

I slip a note into Naruto's pocket telling him to leave Sakura before she leaves him.

"Fuck…why? We find happiness and Kami decides to take a shit on that. Zai…why us?"

**"I'm sorry my champion…Kami-Sama apologizes also." **

"I DON'T NEED APOLOGIES! I JUST WANT NARUTO AND I TO BE HAPPY FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Zai falls silent for the time being.

I grasp the sides of my stocking hat and draw them over my cheeks, trying to block out the world.

The rustling of leaves snaps me out of my stupor.

I wheel around to see three Sound ninja creeping up on the hollow.

"FIRE STYLE: GREAT WALL OF FIRE!" I roar and breathe out a fireball the size of building.

Their eyes widen in surprise before they jump out of the way…or try to. The one with the stupid head mantle is incinerated in a millisecond.

"Zaku!" a raven haired girl screams. The bandaged one runs for the hollow, desperate to complete his objective.

"NO!" I howl before throwing myself in front of the sonic attack.

His fist drives its way under my ribcage and punctures my lung.

Ino and Sakura scream in horror.

I stand there, clutching his wrist in a vice while running through the only one handed seals in know.

"**Fire Style: Heaven Bound Soul**" I whisper. We rise slowly in the air, the bandaged shinobi and I, floating out of the hollow.

I turn to the girl,"Forge your own path" I smile at her.

"What's your name?" I ask my killer.

"D-Dosu" he whimpers.

"Well Dosu…find peace in the afterlife" I cough blood onto his face.

"KOUHEI!" voices shout from below me.

Over thirty ANBU have surrounded the hollow along with Anko and the remaining genin teams.

I look at Naruto's face one last time.

"I love you…brother".

The justu finally begins, flames lick at our feet before consuming us completely.

"Well Zai…I guess I'll be seeing you soon."

I smile tightly before the final act of the justu activates.

**BOOOOM! **

**In an explosion of gore****, Kouhei Uzumaki belongs to this world no more.**

**Dun dun dun…I will be continuing. This is not it! R&R, Flame, Whatever. See you later bro's. **


	16. Goodbye For Now

**Back Again my readers. Shits about to get interesting. Don't own Naruto by I do own Kouhei.**

All I feel is cold.

A cold that reaches into every inch of my body and leaves me numb to any pain.

"I'm dead…? Fuckin' weak dude" I groan in my semiconscious state.

**"No my champion…you're journey has just begun."**

Pain in my back finally forces me to throw open my eyes.

I stand in front of a palace, gleaming white against the black of space.

"Welcome to Heaven, young Kouhei" a voice greets me.

"Zai…where in The Seven Hells? Why am I here?" I ask.

Zai stands before me in all her glory, flowing white hair that accompany the most striking jade eyes I've ever seen.

"Kami recognized your sacrifice to save your comrades and those…disloyal wenches" she growls the last part.

"So what? That's it? I just stay up here with you and never go back?"

Zai smiles softly," I never said you would be staying. In four years time you shall return to Earth and Naruto stronger than you have ever thought possible.

"Who's going to teach me?"

Her smile grows by a large margin," Your father."

With two words, she's taken the breath straight out of me.

A bell tolls in the distance.

"Kami is summoning us" Zai says simply.

I allow her to lead me towards the grand palace by my hand. Large pedestals occupied by statues decorates the lobby.

"Zai…will Naruto be okay?" I ask.

She nods sadly," It will take him time, but eventually he will come out stronger."

"What's going to happen to him and the exams?"

"Kami has told us that it is time for Naruto to have some good. He will advance to chunnin."

I smile wholly,"At least he'll be one step closer to Hokage" I think.

Zai leads me into a large throne room where four other figures reside. They sit in a broken circle around a large plasma screen TV.

"Lord Kami, Kouhei is here" she gestures me forward.

A man that can only be described as man-pretty steps up to shake my hand.

"I'm sorry we had to meet like this. It seems that Fate has a plan that even I cannot fully understand" the God intones.

A woman stands to greet me next, long gossamer hair drapes down to the floor and her brown eyes radiate knowledge.

"I am who you would call Fate" she bows slightly. "I hope you are not angry about how yours went" she says hesitantly.

I bow lower," I fully understand that this must have had to happen. Though I am sad to see that fate does decide our lives" I say, remembering Naruto embracing the idea of forging your own destiny.

"That is where you are wrong, Kouhei. I do not decide everything; I merely set them on a path. They are free to choose any route they want to take. Your brother is wise beyond his years."

Somehow I always knew Naruto was right.

"Why…why do you let the villagers do what they do to us?" this question has been eating away at the back of my mind.

Kami releases a large sigh,"The treatment of you and your brother…was not our finest hour. Contrary to what you may believe, we all take a large interest in your wellbeing. Even Kaze over here likes you two" he points to a large man in full samurai armor.

The man huffs before nodding ever so slightly.

Another woman speaks up," I am sorry for what happened between you and that…Ino whore" she spits out the word.

"Yes, we should do something about her" Kami strokes his cheek in a thoughtful pose.

I hold up my hand," Leave her be. Her heart decided for her, she shouldn't be punished for it" I sigh, realizing that Ino was never really mine…just a girl I shared a couple of kisses with under the paling light of the moon.

The other Gods look taken aback.

"It seems we DID choose right with these two" Kaze smiles.

The woman who spoke up introduces herself as Benzaiten, the Goddess of Love.

"Why would you forgive her?" Kami asks expectantly.

"Because…would it be fair? No, to judge somebody for what their heart tells them is never fair."

The Gods nod, pleased with the answer.

"Can I…can I say goodbye to him?" I ask hopefully.

I expect a flat out rejection but instead Kami snaps his fingers and my vision fades.

"You may say goodbye, I will send you to his dreamscape" Kami's voice booms from above.

My sight returns and I find myself in a large field.

A shock of blonde hair catches my eye in the middle of it.

"Naruto" I call to him. He whips around, tears in his eyes.

"K-Kouhei?" he chokes out. I run to him and wrap him into a hug," I came to say goodbye…Kami…I'm going to miss you" I sob into his shoulder.

He cries just as hard.

"What happened after I….died?"

"Ino went into hysterics…I followed your advice and dumped Sakura. The ANBU teams had to hold me back from killing the last Sound girl…When we got to the tower Anko scooped me up and cried harder than I've ever seen her cry. She told me that she was sorry she couldn't get there in time. The Old Man is going to hold a memorial for you" he sniffles.

I brush the tears off of his cheeks.

"Tell Anko it's not her fault, tell the Old Man to pardon the girl from Sound. I don't have much time, Naruto."

I pull him tighter.

"Naruto…I'll see you soon" I whisper into his ear.

He stiffens.

"I'll be back, I promise" I start to cry again.

My body begins to fade and I hold my brother as tight as I physically can.

"It is time" Kami whispers in my head. I press something into Naruto's hand, my final present to him.

"These are lyrics I wrote for you, use em' on Haku" I smile cheekily.

He laughs and sobs at the same time.

"I love you, Kouhei" he croaks.

"I love you too, Naruto" I smile.

My vision goes dark.

"Kouhei…the Gods have a request" Kami says once I open my eyes. "Would you perform the song you gave Naruto?" he asks.

I smile and nod.

I unseal that scroll with all of the equipment. I summon a few clones. I clear my throat and strum my guitar.

"I wrote this for Ino…now I hope Naruto uses it on Haku" I smile. "This is called 'You and I'."

**Without you, there's no reason for my story**

**And when I'm with you I can always act the same**

**Forever, yeah if we're together**

**We can make it better**

**You and I**

**We never get to sleep we're up all day**

**We're overworked and under paid**

**You and I**

**We're always stuck in repeat day by day**

**Watching time drift away as we burn away**

**Without you, there's no reason for my story**

**And when I'm with you I can always act the same**

**Forever, yeah if we're together**

I see Ino's face in my mind, kissing me under the moonlight.

My heart aches at the scene and a tear slips down my already swollen cheeks.

**We can make it better**

**You and I**

**We've never felt so right**

**That just might be just what I need (to get me through the night)**

**You and I**

**We're the perfect fit you've got me hooked**

**So then I could never never quit, I just burn away**

**Without you, there's no reason for my story**

**And when I'm with you I can always act the same**

**Forever, yeah if we're together**

**We can make it better**

**Oh oh oh-oh oh oh-oh **

**Without you, there's no reason for my story**

**And when I'm with you I can always act the same**

**Forever, yeah if we're together**

**We can make it... We can make it...**

**Without you, there's no reason for my story**

**And when I'm with you I can always act the same**

**Forever, yeah if we're together**

**We can make it better**

**Oh oh oh-oh oh oh-oh **

I throw back my head and let out a tight laugh, releasing my feelings into the air.

The Gods stand and applaud, the female gods, Zai, Fate, and Benzaiten, have tears sliding down their faces. Benzaiten approaches me.

"You will find true love…Just remember that not all snakes are bad" she winks.

"Are you ready to meet your mother and father?" Zai asks.

I nod, a set of doors swings open. I tall man with golden hair stands before me.

"Kouhei…" he whispers before embracing me.

I hug the man back.

Then, I realize something.

**My father is…Minato Namikaze. The Forth Hokage.**

**ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE CAN. R&R, FLAME, WHATEVER. SEE YOU LATER BRO'S.**

**Song used: You and I by Anarbor**


	17. Fixing Innocence

**I'm back my readers. Since I've fucked up the Naruto timeline so bad…I'm gonna keep doing it ;) I don't own Naruto but I do own Kouhei and Zai. I plan to have a song every chapter, today I don't own Matchbox Twenty. There's going to be a Princess Bride reference in this…if you find it you get a cookie. **

My father holds me tightly, something I'd always dreamed about.

"Kouhei" he smiles into my hair. Another pair of arms wrap around me.

I look up to find a beautiful red-head crying into my shoulder.

"M-Mom?" I ask hesitantly.

She down at at me and smiles," Kouhei, I've dreamed of this day for an eternity" she sobs happily.

I get lost in the embrace of my parents.

I memorize every feature, their voices, even their smells.

My mother smells of vanilla and honey while my father smells like…ramen and earth.

We stay together for a good twenty minutes, basking in the glow of being reunited.

"Dad…when do we start training?" I ask, determination in my voice.

My father smiles and ruffles my hair," Right now."

He leads mother and I to a large field outside the throne room.

"I have something I want you to give to Naruto when you return" he hands me a heavily sealed scroll. "This is the scroll to my best technique, The Flying Thunder God" Minato says with a serious look.

I hold the scroll like it's a newborn baby.

"What will you teach me?" I intone.

"The most powerful fire jutsu in the universe **'Fire Style: Hellfire Hurricane Gale**".

"That's quite an…ominous name."

Minato laughs. He throws me a couple of chakra weights.

"Ready?" he asks as I slide them on.

I grin, ready to show my dad that I'm ready to kick his ass.

***Six Hours Later***

I collapse onto my bed, muscles aching in a way that I never thought possible.

"That was awesome!" I laugh.

"Glad you think so, it's going to be sword practice tomorrow" Minato laughs from my windowsill.

"How was my first day?"

"Better than I could ever have hoped."

I grin like an idiot before falling asleep.

Minato steps forward and runs his hand through Kouhei's hair," Sleep well my son."

He smiles before disappearing in a flash of yellow.

I wake up another couple of hours later when Zai enters my room with a tray of food.

"Kami is impressed with you, my champion."

"I just got a compliment from a god…That's a new one."

Zai laughs into her hand.

"Kami is so impressed in fact that he's decided to let you say your goodbyes to Anko."

I snort my orange juice through the wrong hole and about choke to death on citric acid.

"What should I say to her?" I ask.

"Just be you, your heart will tell you what to do" Zai gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

I spend the rest of the day scribbling down lyrics, my bed looks like a literary war zone.

Crumpled paper and empty pens litter the ground around my bed and I almost drown when I unconsciously chew on the end of a new pen and it explodes disgusting black ink into my mouth. I gag and spit into a trashcan, desperately trying to rid myself of the nauseating fluid.

After the sun droops below the horizon someone knocks on my door.

"Ready for sword practice?" Kushina asks, a sword strapped to her side.

I nod and tie Masato to my side.

She leads me back to the field and draws her sword and I spot the kanji for 'death' beaten into the crimson metal.

"Today you'll understand why they called Kushina Uzumaki the Red Death of Konoha" she smiles evilly.

I draw Masato and take my Dragon Fang stance.

She charges, running her blade down mine, hoping to catch my hand. I spin back and bring my sword around in an arc which she ducks with a practiced ease.

"This is gonna be pretty fucking painful" I predict.

We keep fighting, neither of us either gaining or losing any ground and scoring an equal amount of hits.

"You are wonderful!"

"Thank you, I've worked very hard to become so" I smile.

"I admit that you are better than I am" she smiles.

"Then why are you smiling?" I ask with a grunt.

"I am not left handed!" she throws her sword and catches it in her right.

I easily find myself on the losing side of an offensive charge.

I grunt again when I find myself pinned with my back against a rock.

"I have something to tell you" I wheeze.

"Oh, please do" Kushina smiles.

"I'm not left handed either" I toss my sword and catch it before driving back her offensive and disarming her.

I press the tip of my sword to her neck.

"Whew…I guess I win."

Kushina gazes at me with pride I've never seen before.

I lower my sword and she wraps me in a bear hug.

"This is amazing! Now I can teach you the move!"

I'm confused," What move?"

She draws Death again and channels chakra into it.

** "Lightning Style: Cannon Spark"** she screams before a bolt of lightning jets from her sword and obliterates everything in a half mile radius.

"That'll singe some nut hair" I laugh to myself then stop, realizing I'm thinking about nut hair.

"Let's get to it!" I yell.

***Time Skip of Three Days***

I step into the throne room, my clothes are blood splattered and slightly singed.

Kami greets me with a smile.

"You may perform your song young one, but not in that" he snaps his fingers and my clothes melt into a tuxedo.

I nod graciously before my vision fades.

A dark grey sky looms over a war torn and blood caked battlefield.

I spot a figure in the middle.

She sobs uncontrollably around a pile of corpses.

All the bodies have met brutal deaths and the more terrifying thing is they're all Konoha shinobi.

Kakashi's body lies crushed under a tree, Sakura has her throat slit in an ugly red smile, and Naruto's head is on the wrong way.

The figure clutches something close to her chest.

I step closer, making out Anko's purple hair. I reach her side and see that she's clutching a younger version of herself.

"Her innocence" I sigh. The little girl is badly beaten and barely breathing.

"Anko" I touch her shoulder.

She jumps forward, still clutching her younger version.

"Kouhei? Is this Kami's way of punishing Orochimaru's whore?" she snarls.

"Anko…it's me. I came here to tell you something."

She scoffs," What would you want to tell the girl who lost her innocence to the Snake?" she whispers almost to herself.

"He…he raped you?" I wrap her and her younger form in a tight embrace, ignoring the blood.

She cries into my shoulder and nods.

My chakra spikes and I growl," When I get back…I'm going to torture that motherfucking, child loving, cocksucking, piece of shit until he begs for death" I snarl.

Anko tightens her hold one me.

"Anko…I need to show you something" I unseal my guitar.

"When Kami told me he'd let me see you I started writing lyrics…" I lean towards the mike.

**Feeling my hands start shaking**

**Hearing your voice I'm overjoyed**

**I'm sorry but I have no choice, you're only getting better**

**Maybe you have your reasons**

**Maybe you're scared, you'll be let down**

**Are you crying when there's no one around?**

I pour every ounce of feeling into my words, hoping to heal her shattered heart. I beg for Benzaiten to help me show Anko that she is capable of love for another person.

**Oh then maybe, maybe if you hold me baby**

**Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows**

**I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed**

**That smile on your face like a summer**

**The way that your hand keeṗs touching mine**

**Let me be the one to make it right**

**And maybe, maybe let me hold you baby**

**Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows**

**I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed**

**And if you want, we'll share this life**

**Anytime you need a friend, I'm gonna be by your side**

**When nobody understands you, well I do**

**So maybe maybe, let me hold you baby**

**Let me come over I would tell you secrets God only knows**

**I can not over state it, I will be overjoyed**

**Baby let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows**

**I can not over state it, I will be overjoyed**

**Yeah I will be overjoyed,**

**Oh I will be overjoyed!**

As the last note floats off into the air, Anko runs towards me.

I drop my guitar and run, hoping that the song struck a cord.

She slips in the mud and I slide on my knees to meet her.

We wrap around each other, never wanting to let go.

"I…I love you" she whispers into my ear.

I pull back and kiss her, pushing all of my passion into her. I love the way her lips grind against mine, like a perfect fit.

"I love you too" I whisper back.

A low hum draws our attention to Anko's innocence. The girl's wounds have healed and she smiles at us.

"And with one kiss, innocence was restored" Zai smiles in my head.

"I'll be back Anko, this is my promise to you! I will come back" my voice is fading fast.

She nods and kisses me a final time before all goes dark.

**I arrive back in Heaven, a sense of wholeness I've never felt before fills me.**

**Well…I actually liked that chapter. In about one or two more chapters Kouhei will be back right as Naruto arrives back form training with Jirayia. R&R, Flame, Whatever. See you later bro's.**


	18. Reunited and It Feels so Good

**I'm back bitches. New chapter for you, Kouhei's heading back to the world of the living. I don't own Naruto buts I own Kouhei. If you want to see the armor Kaze gives Kouhei follow this link. productimages/sku_46088_ it's gonna be another Steel Panther song and Disturbed today!**

Four years.

Four long motherfucking years I've been away from the world of the living and today is the day I finally go back.

I'm finally going to be reunited with my brother and my lover.

Kami keeps me informed of what's been going on in Konoha.

The village of Sound attacked my village and Orochimaru managed to kill the Third, leaving the Hokage position to Kakashi who took it until another could be found. Naruto had left with the Legendary Perv Sage, Jiraiya who removed the seals off of Sasuke and Naruto.

He was scheduled to return the same day I was.

Benzaiten kept me well informed of Ino's love life which was…non-existent.

Sasuke, after learning of how the two kunoichi fawned over him instead of helping Naruto and I, he told them' to go fuck themselves with a thorn branch'.

I got some kind of sadistic satisfaction at seeing her being refused but I immediately felt guilty.

"Kouhei, Kami has requested you in his study" Zai peeks her head into my room.

I nod my head and set my lyric notepad down.

She leads me to a simple set of doors and leads me in.

Kami sits at his desk with Kaze the War God

. "It's time young one" Kami smiles fully.

Kaze grunts, the most emotion you'll ever get out of him.

"Kaze has a gift for you" Kami gestures to a large package near Kaze, who actually…smiles.

I step forward and unwrap the gift and grin.

A set of armor lies at the bottom. A fishnet undershirt lies under the armor. It's not metal, it's some form of tough and durable plate.

"The material is called Tridium, tougher than molten rock, yet light and flexible" Kaze explains with a look of mild excitement.

My entire upper body is covered; gauntlets on my wrists, two plates on my shoulder, and a thick chest piece that I'm not sure Kakashi's Lightning Blade could cut through. A set of leggings goes over tight black pants and I find another pair of boots with silver steel toes.

"I personally blessed this set; if it breaks you can repair it by channeling chakra into it."

"It's time to say goodbye to your parents" Kami calls them in.

They both rush in and wrap me into a tight embrace.

I feel a tugging on my side and find Kushina tying 'Death' to my side.

I gasp and smile at her, honored to carry her blade. Minato slips off his headband and hands it to me.

"This is yours now, son. Give this to Naruto" he slips off his jacket and hands it to me.

We embrace a final time, "We love you" they say in unison.

"I love you guys too" I smile.

I wave a last goodbye and Kami snaps his fingers and I disappear.

***Konoha: Thirty Seconds Later***

A familiar aroma makes me open my eyes.

I find myself sitting in Ichiraku's, a bowl of pork ramen sitting in front of me.

Ayame steps into the kitchen carrying a stack of dishes," How is the ram-"**CRASH!**

Ayame drops the dishes as soon as she sees me.

"Surprised?" I chuckle.

She wraps me in a hug that could kill a bear.

"When we heard you were dead…" she chokes up and trails off.

"It wasn't all bad…I just took some time to hang with Kami" I nod to the sky.

Ayame looks stunned but before she can ask another question, a large ruckus outside draws our attention.

A crowd has gathered at the gates around two figures. I see blonde and white. I pay for my ramen and give Ayame another hug before grabbing a straw hat that lies next to me.

I tuck my hair into it and walk into the crowd. Naruto stands while hugging Haku tightly to his chest.

"Glad to see the song worked" I smile to myself. I step forward with my head lowered.

"About time you got back, Uzumaki" I laugh.

Naruto looks confused until I lift my head up revealing my purple eye.

"KOUHEI!" Naruto launches himself at me.

I catch him and we fall down, crying tears of joy while the crowd looks on in complete shock.

"Naruto…I have some stuff for you…from mom and dad" I pull out the scroll of The Flying Thunder God and then pull the coat over his shoulders.

"They were dad's, I got mom's sword" I jostle Death on my hip.

"Who…who were they?"

"They were Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze, The Red Death of Konoha and The Fourth Hokage" I grin.

Naruto steps back in a daze, trying to process this new info.

A collective gasp emanates from the crowd. I throw Naruto two more scrolls.

"Wrote these for when I got back."

He unwraps the first and starts to laugh. I unseal out equipment.

**"GOOD AFTERNOON KONOHA! WE ARE THE FOX AND THE RED AND THIS IS SONG IS DEDICATED TO KONOHA'S OWN PERVY SAGE AND THE LIFE HE'S LIVED!" **I yell into the mike.

**When I was only three**

**My mama said to me**

**"Don't go screwin' a skanky ho,**

**Or you're gonna get VD"**

I remember when Kami regaled me with stories of Jiraiya's younger years which where full of hookers and various venereal diseases.

**When I was seventeen**

**I boned a kooky bitch**

**A couple days later, my balls swelled up**

**And my crotch began to itch**

**But thats when I totally knew**

**What God wanted me to do, woah**

Just like the last time, the crowd howls with laughter and Jiraiya even seems to be enjoying the good-hearted teasing.

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey**

**Fuck all night, and party all day**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey**

**I'm gonna fuck all night and party all day**

**Check it out**

**Now I'm in a bitchin' band**

**And I'm banging every night**

**I don't care if she's a trailer ho**

**But she's got me freakin' out**

**I get up in the afternoon**

**'Cause I ain't got a stupid job**

**I drink some beer and I watch cartoons**

**While the slut polishes my knob**

**Smoke and drink and screw**

**Thats what I was born to do, woah**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!**

**Fuck all night and party all day!**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!**

**I'm gonna fuck all night and party all day, let's go**

**Now God's looking down on me**

**Saying, "Hey man, way to be!"**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!**

**Fuck all night and party all day!**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!**

**Fuck all night and party all day**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!**

**Fuck all night and party all day!**

**Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!**

**Fuck all night and party all day**

**Fuck fuck fuck yeah,**

**Fuck yeah!**

"**Fuck yeah dude" **I smile into the mike.

"**Now…LET'S FUCKING ROCK! THIS SONG IS ABOUT THE UZUMAKI AND NAMIKAZE, THE MOST INDESTRUCTIBLE CLANS IN THE WORLD!"**

**Another mission the powers have called me away**

**Another time to carry the colors again**

**My motivation an oath I've sworn to defend**

**To win the honor of coming back home again**

**No explanation will matter after we begin**

**Unlock the dark destroyer that's buried within**

**My true vocation and now my unfortunate friend**

**You will discover a war you're unable to win**

**I'll have you know**

**That I've become**

**Indestructible**

**Determination that is incorruptible**

**From the other side a terror to behold**

**Annihilation will be unavoidable**

**Every broken enemy will know**

**That their opponent had to be invincible**

**Take a last look around while you're alive**

**I'm an indestructible Master of war**

**Another reason another cause for me to fight**

"**FUCK YEAH!" Naruto yells over the music. **

**Another fuse uncovered now for me to light**

**My dedication to all that I've sworn to protect**

**I carry out my orders without a regret**

**My declaration embedded deep under my skin**

**A permanent reminder of how it began**

**No hesitation when I am commanded to strike**

**You need to know that you're in for the fight of your life**

**You will be shown How I've become Indestructible**

**Determination that is incorruptible**

**From the other side a terror to behold**

**Annihilation will be unavoidable**

**Every broken enemy will know**

**That their opponent had to be invincible**

**Take a last look around while you're alive**

**I'm an indestructible Master of war**

**I'm Indestructible**

**Determination that is incorruptible**

**From the other side a terror to behold**

**Annihilation will be unavoidable**

**Every broken enemy will know**

**That their opponent had to be invincible**

**Take a last look around while your alive**

**I am indestructible**

**Indestructible**

**Indestructible**

**Determination that is incorruptible**

**From the other side a terror to behold**

**Annihilation will be unavoidable**

**Every broken enemy will know**

**That their opponent had to be invincible**

**Take a last look around while you're alive**

**I'm an indestructible Master of war!**

**Another chapter down and a bunch to go. R&R, Flame, Whatever. See you later bro's.**

**Songs used:**

**Party All Day – Steel Panther**

**Indestructible - Disturbed**


	19. New Life

**New chapter for you guys today. Don't own Naruto. I do have to address something. Someone told me that this is turning into a songfic…it's kind of supposed to be. Not a full one but I like putting in songs that describe their moods. By the way…lemon time…just warning you. **

The crowd roars, loving the new songs. Naruto and I embrace tightly, beyond happy to be finally reunited.

"So the song worked, huh?" I grin at him.

He beams at me like a laser," Perfectly. There are a lot of things that wouldn't be possible without you."

An ANBU appears in front of us, his body still shaking from laughter.

"Uzumaki, the Hokage (snicker) requests your presence in his office" he says before disappearing.

Naruto leaves in a swirl of leaves and I leave via a lightning strike, scaring the fuck out of the crowd.

Kakashi sits at his desk, absentmindedly scribbling on a piece of paper.

"So you're Hokage? Wasn't expecting that" I smile at my former teacher.

Kakashi looks up lazily, his eye widens as he sees my face.

"Didn't expect to see you again" he smiles nonchalantly.

He stands and ruffles my hair like he used to due after kenjutsu training. I feel something wet hit my hair.

When I look up I find Kakashi crying silently.

"You do have emotions!" I poke him in the ribs.

The ruffling quickly turns into a noogie from the Cyclops.

"What did you need Kakashi?" He steps over to his desk and pulls out a mission report.

"I've found someone who can replace me as Hokage" he chucks me the scroll. I open it and find a single word scrawled on the paper.

"Tsunade" the scroll reads.

"I know where she is, Tanzaku Town" Kakashi points to a large town on a map. "You, Naruto, and Jiraiya are being sent to bring her back by any means necessary" Kakashi hands me something else, a set of chakra cuffs.

"I'm not using these" I drop them in the trash. Kakashi nods approvingly," Those bastards in the council demanded it" he spits.

Naruto steps into the office, his new robe pulled over a mesh shirt and an undershirt made of Kevlar.

"I'm going to go see Anko before we leave" I tell Kakashi.

He flashes a knowing eye smile, if that's possible. I pull my straw hat over my head, trying to surprise my beautiful Anko.

I know exactly where she is.

She always sits in the same tree…the one I died defending.

She sits in the hollow, on the pile of leaves I rigged up to support Sasuke and Naruto. She smiles when she feels my chakra signal. She doesn't know how close I am until I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to me.

I rest my chin on her head and gently rub small circles on her back.

Small tears roll down her face as she cries just as silently as Kakashi.

"Kami…I've missed you" I whisper in her ear, making her shiver in delight.

"I knew you would be back today" she smiles through her tears.

"Kind of serendipitous isn't it?" I laugh at the fact that both Uzumakis are back on the same day.

"I got a present for you" I produce something from my back pocket. It's another scroll that Benzaiten slipped in my pocket a few hours before I left.

"I can finally remove your curse mark."

Her eyes widen to Maito Gai proportions.

With a few hand seals and a good amount of blood the curse mark fades into oblivion.

"I have a present too" she whispers.

"What is it?"

Anko is silent for a few minutes.

"Me" she finally growls seductively.

I gulp, fully understanding the meaning of the innuendo.

My voice drops a few octaves in a husky growl," Then let's not waste any time." I grab her waist and turn her to face me.

We seal our lips together in a searing kiss that could set the forest on fire. She begins removing my armor and I slide off her trench coat. She bares my torso and runs her nails down my chest, making me gasp.

My pants go next and I'm left in a pair of compression shorts.

I draw my sword and make quick work of her sexy mesh shirt," Only fair" I growl into her ear.

Her beautiful and full breasts are bared to my eyes. She hisses when I caress one in my palm, running my thumb over the hardened bud. She kisses me, waging war on my tongue.

My shorts soon find their way outside and her skirt follows shortly after. There we stand, our bodies as naked as the day we were born.

"Anko-hime, I love you" I whisper into her mouth.

"I love you too" her lips move against mine. I lay her down on the bed of leaves, treating her like a porcelain doll. When her back meets the ground I slide my face between her legs.

I give her core a tentative lick, not completely sure of what to do. At her moan I do it again. I explore her curves and contours like a blind man, gently pleasuring my snake mistress. Her inner walls clench on my tongue in the most amazing way, I find a small nub and run my tongue over it experimentally

. Anko shrieks in delight and I feel her walls clench even more.

"Not bad for a person who thought that condoms were something that you put on a hamburger" I congratulate myself.

I can still remember Naruto's laugh as he explained those were 'condiments'.

My tongue explores every available inch of my lover's warm core, trying not to leave anything untouched. Anko gives a large moan of pleasure before a warm liquid slips onto my tongue. Without any hesitation I drink it, savoring the sweet taste.

Both of us are covered in a thin layer of sweat when I place my member at her entrance. I look into her eyes, trying to convey all of my love into my actions. At her nod I enter her, reveling in the feeling of intimacy I feel with her.

I thrust into her, pulling all the way out before slamming back in. We share another kiss, this one loaded with more passion than I've ever known possible.

"I'll show Naruto that control can beat stamina" I grin to myself.

Anko throws her head back in ecstasy and cries out.

I groan huskily into her ear," Does it feel good?" Her only response is another moan. I feel her clench up and that sends me spiraling over the edge, releasing my seed into her. She gasps my name and I fall onto my elbows.

I pull her close, covering us with her coat. Sleepiness tugs at the edge of my vision and I hear Anko snoring softly.

**Unknown to the couple is the fact that in the place that Kouhei lost his life…they created a new one.**

**Another chapter down. Tell me what you think. R&R, flame, whatever. See you later bro's.**


	20. Tsunade

**New chapter for you guys today, hit 2,000 views! Don't own Naruto. **

We slept for a great four hours before Naruto came to fetch us. Anko's gentle snoring brought a smile to my face.

"How'd you know I'd be here?".

"She's been coming here every day for four years without pause" Naruto smiles.

My heart swells in my chest.

"Come on, Jiraiya's waiting for us at the North Gate" Naruto beckons me away.

I leave a note detailing my mission for my snake hime.

True to his word, Jiraiya is waiting for us at the gate with a heavy pack thrown over his shoulder.

"Good to see my other godson back in the world of the living" Jiraiya hugs me tightly.

"You're probably wondering where I've been…" he says quietly.

"You had to maintain your spy network…I understand, it was for the greater good" I nod at my godfather.

His face breaks out in a grin that I'm sure he hasn't used in a while.

"C'mon! Tsunade's waiting for us!" Naruto yells while running out of the gate.

"Better not let him go off on his own, who knows what he'll get into" I shake my head with a laugh.

**Time Skip: Two Days of Travel, Tanzaku Town**

The town looms into view, it's castle blocking out the sun.

Jiraiya checks us into a hotel then runs off after some skank in a miniskirt.

"Looks like we're on our own" Naruto sighs.

"Maybe not" I grin as I see Jiraiya get bitch-slapped by said skank.

"Smooth move".

"Well since the fish aren't going after the worm….let's look for Tsunade" Jiraiya leads us outside.

We nod and begin a search for the busty sannin.

We search for a solid four hours before Naruto calls us over his radio," Found her in a bar, Southside."

I leap across the buildings until I land next to Naruto and the Pervy Toad Sage.

"Jiraiya, remember to please look at her eyes" I tug on his ear.

He winces and nods furiously.

We walk in, trying to keep a low profile until we reach her booth. I notice that the stories of her beauty aren't exaggerating in the least bit.

"Hey there Tsunade" Jiraiya sits across from her.

Tsunade scowls before reaching for a sake bottle.

"Why are you here? And who are the brats?" she snorts at us.

"This is Naruto and the red head is Kouhei. Both are Uzumakis. I'm here to bring you back to Konoha to become Hokage" he says.

Tsunade's features curl into disdain and contempt.

"Why would I want a fool's job? Dying for your village is pointless just like your mission. I refuse, just like the 3rd should have" she sniffs.

I sense Naruto's blood heating up and I press a hand to his shoulder to calm him.

"I suspected a fool such as you would say that, Tsunade" I smile.

"What did you say?" she growls through her teeth.

"I called you a fool. A drunken, gambling, genjustu using, pathetic fool. You don't know what it takes to truly be a hero so you call those who try idiotic and useless. You are the fool, believing that you can run and drink your problems away. They follow you no matter where you try to run. Kami told me about Nawaki and Dan…I'm sorry that those two had to depart from this world so early…you disgrace their memories with your cowardice" I say in a calm and collected voice.

Her eyes water and she drops her head.

"Let Naruto and I share our pain with you" I whisper.

I unseal an acoustic guitar and Naruto unseals a small drum set.

**"I wrote this song our first day at the Academy when no one would play with us. It's called "Garden of Hell"**

**Crashing to Earth**

**Burning in the atmosphere**

**I forgot for a second I was a reject**

**Got slammed down by the hand of God**

**Hurtling towards the ground**

**Resigned to my fate**

**Let me say a final goodbye**

**Before the flames eat me up**

**The words tumble out and thunder claps**

**Like the laughter of the Divine**

**I used to be on Cloud 9**

**Now I'm rocketing towards Ground Zero**

**I'm finally a star**

**The center of attention**

**If only for a moment**

**But in the worst way possible**

**Hurtling towards the ground**

**Resigned to my fate**

**Let me say a final goodbye….**

The final chords tumble out of my guitar and I ask the sobbing crowd a question.

"Want to know what happened after I wrote that?" The crowd shakes its head.

"I climbed to the top of the Hokage Tower and jumped. I hit the ground at over 80 miles per hour. The strongest medics in Konoha couldn't piece me back together…but there was a person who could" I gesture to Tsunade.

Her eyes widen in confusion before clarity dawns on her.

"Kouhei…you were that little boy..?" I nod slowly.

Tsunade had come to Konoha at the begging of The 3rd to help save my life.

"When I was lying, broken, in the hospital bed I thought that you were an angel. When I was trying to let go…you were my saving grace Tsunade."

The tears in her eyes finally fall onto her cheeks.

"I owe my life to you, please let me help you save yours" I extend my hand to her.

She nods slowly before taking my hand and Naruto's, allowing us to lead her out of the bar.

"I have something to tell you Jiraiya…Orochimaru sought me out, wanting me to repair his arms after the Hokage sealed them. He's expecting my answer by tomorrow."

"Great! A chance to smack that little Snake Bitch around for what he did to Anko" I snarl.

How will I torture him?

Wouldn't you like to know.

"Hey Naruto…one more song?" I say to the blonde.

He nods and I tell him to play the song Jiraiya told us to.

**"****We are the Fox and the Red. This is a dedication from Jiraiya to Tsunade with the message," Let's let the past remain there my princess."**

**Met a girl, thought she was grand**

**Fell in love, found out first hand**

**Went well for a week or two**

**Then it all came unglued**

**In a trap, trip I can't grip**

**Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip**

**Then I started to realize**

**I was living one big lie**

**She fucking hates me**

**Trust**

**She fucking hates me**

**La la la love**

**I tried too hard**

**And she tore my feelings like I had none**

**And ripped them away**

**She was queen for about an hour**

**After that shit got sour**

**She took all I ever had**

**No sign of guilt**

**No feeling of bad, no**

**In a trap, trip I can't grip**

**Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip**

**Then I started to realize**

**I was living one big lie**

**[Naruto]**

**That's my story, as you see**

**Learned my lesson and so did she**

**Now it's over and I'm glad**

**'cause I'm a fool for all I've said**

**[Naruto]**

**La la la la la la la la la love**

**Trust**

**La la la la la la la la la love**

**Trust**

**And she tore my feelings like I had none**

**She fucking hates me **

**We are the Fox and the Red! Thank you Tanzaku Town, Goodnight!"**

**Unbeknownst to the rest, Tsunade had intertwined her fingers with Jiraiya's. **

**Another Chapter down. I wrote Garden of Hell myself. R&R, Flame, Whatever.**

**Song used: She Hates ME – Puddle of Mudd**


	21. Fuck Your Life Orochimaru

**New chapter for you guys today :D I don't own Naruto. **

"So how is this going to happen?" Jiraiya unfolds a map of the area.

"SnakeFag told me to meet him here" Tsunade points to an area on the outskirts of the town.

"Kouhei and I can hide next to these rocks to block off his escape" Naruto draws our position on the map.

"What happens if he summons Manda?" Shizune asks.

Tsunade cracks her knuckles," Then we beat him back to his summon world."

We stay for another three hours drawing up battle plans.

Jiraiya is to take on Orochimaru initially, after he weakens him enough, I step in and have my wicked little way with the man who raped my Anko. Naruto and Shizune are to take on Kabuto, Orochimaru's cock sleeve.

"Kouhei, catch" Jiraiya throws me a scroll. Inside are two justu, one called Needle Jizo and the other called The Rasengan.

"You have the potential to master both of these. Jizo is one of my personal jutsu while Rasengan is one your father created."

"I'm going to guess Naruto's already learned The Rasengan?" I ask.

Jiraiya nods," It was the first thing I taught him on our training trip."

I read both of the justu for a moment.

"I'll have them by midnight" I smile confidently.

Jiraiya ruffles my hair and leaves to find Tsunade.

The two sannin have been closer than ever, after the songs I caught them making out in an alley.

I shudder at the memory.

I go late into the night learning my new techniques, mastering Jizo in a matter of hours.

Rasengan, on the other hand, is by far one of the most difficult justu I've ever had to learn. I have the sphere almost perfectly completed but the technique drains me down to almost no energy.

"I might have to lay off of this one until I up my chakra reserves" I huff.

***The Next Morning***

The sun burns brightly in my eyes.

"Fuck you sun. I'll kill your family" I snarl groggily.

Naruto snickers next to me, already fully clothed and strapping on his kunai pouch.

"Tsunade's almost ready to meet with Orochimaru; we should get there a few hours early."

I nod and strap my armor on, ready to exact my revenge. The terrain of the area is rocky and we conceal ourselves with relative ease. We have a few hours to kill so we just talk.

"How's the Thunder God coming along?"

"Almost finished, I'm just having trouble with the last set of seals….what were they like? "

I know he's talking about mom and dad.

"They loved us, Kami did they love us. They never wanted for any of what the villagers did happen. Mom was so protective and dad was as laid back as Kakashi. Both of them taught me an S-rank justu, one of which I'm going to hopefully be using today. I have a strong feeling we'll see them again sometime."

Naruto closes his eyes and smiles, soaking in the information.

The slight movement of gravel snaps us to attention.

"Kukuku, what do we have here?" a sickening voice cackles from behind us.

"Orochimaru!" I snarl.

"Is that you Kouhei? I thought you were dead. No matter! Now I have two subjects to test on!" Orochimaru laughs.

I draw Masato and Death, clenching my teeth together so hard that they groan.

"Your death is going to be more painful than anything you can imagine. Nobody hurts my Anko! **NOBODY!"** I roar.

"**Your **Anko? Last time I checked her innocence belonged to me" his tongue rolls out of his mouth.

"You have no idea what kind of Hell I'm about to bring you. I'm going to peel your dick like a fucking banana" I charge him.

Kusanagi soon counters one of my strikes.

"You have no chance against me you sick fuck! I'm the new Red Death!" I swing for his neck.

**CLANG! **

**CLANG!**

** CLANG!**

Our swords strike against each other and Orochimaru quickly finds himself on the losing side. I can see the agitation and annoyance at being beaten by an 18 year old.

"This world isn't your play thing Orochi, and it's time you realized it!" I swing again and sever his arm.

His blood coats my face and some of it stains my teeth, giving me a feral look.

I spot Naruto kicking the living shit out of Kabuto, landing a roundhouse on his teeth. Even from here, I can hear them break.

The Snake howls in pain, grasping his new stump.

"Now it's time to have my fun with you" I push him onto the ground. He struggles under my foot, trying to throw punches and snakes.

He soon finds himself stuck to the ground by kunai, one in his remaining hand and feet.

An explosion announces Kabuto's death.

"Gotta love The Rasengan" I smile to myself.

"Now my new little toy, it's time to fulfill my earlier threat" I grab Death**. **

**"Let's see if you can regrow this"** I chop down on Orochimaru's groin, splitting his member straight down the middle.

Orochimaru roars, loud enough to shake a nearby mountain.

"Hey Naruto, throw me the med kit!" I call out. Instead of handing it to me, he throws it. It thwacks into the tortured snake's crotch, making him howl in agony as his blood soaks the dirt.

"It's going to get SO much worse. I promise."

I open the kit, extracting the rubbing alcohol.

"Can't have you getting an infection" I smile innocently.

"Have you ever heard of The Konoha Blowtorch? " I ask, unscrewing the cap and taking out a lighter.

I dump the alcohol onto his wound, eliciting a scream that doesn't sound remotely human.

"Well…it's basically a fancy name for lighting your dick on fire."

The lighter falls and a blaze covers Orochimaru in a millisecond.

**"AAAAHAAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAHAA!" **Orochimaru howls.

"**Earth Style: Stone Pillar**" I flip through seals.

A rumbling echoes through the Earth before a single slab of rock erupts from under Orochimaru, impaling him. I spot his heart resting in a small indentation at the very top of the pillar. His screams die off with a gurgle.

"Retribution" I whisper in his ear.

His eyes bulge out of his head before he slumps.

I spit on him, for Anko.

**When the others arrive they find quite the scene, one dickless and burnt snake and one silver haired head.**

**Done. R&R, Flame, Whatever. See you later bro's. **


	22. Interesting Council Meeting

**O.K I'm back, horribly sorry I've been gone for so long. Don't own Naruto.**

"Holy shit" Tsunade gasps at our blood splattered forms.

"You-you killed Orochimaru" Ero-Sannin's jaw hangs open.

Naruto and I just grin in response, pride pouring out of our very being. Tsunade and Jiraiya pile Kabuto's body next to the Snake Sannin and torch their bodies with a fireball.

"Well Tsunade, are you ready to head back to Konoha and tell the council that Orochi is dead?" I ask.

"Alright…I'm not looking forward to the paperwork though" she grimaces.

"Two words of advice. **Shadow Clones**" Naruto whispers in her ear. She immediately straightens and smiles.

"The Third's probably crying in Heaven right now. He never thought of that" I smile sadly.

"I'll make him proud" Tsunade squeezes my shoulder.

***Konoha Gates: Two Days Later***

"There she is. Been awhile, Tsunade" one of the Chunnin guarding the gates bows.

"Izumo? Is that you?"

"It is My Lady. It's great to see you again" Tsunade embraces the man.

"Kouhei, this is the man who performed the operation on your neck. When you took that kunai" Tsunade pushes the man forward.

"I owe you my life Izumo" I bow deeply.

He scratches the back of his head sheepishly, obviously not used to being complimented like this.

"It was nothing" he laughs.

"The council will want to see you immediately" Izumo's partner waves us into the village.

The villagers look at Tsunade in awe, not believing that one of their greatest warriors is back. They begin to cheer Naruto and I like celebrities.

"So this is what recognition feels like? Not bad" Naruto basks in the feeling of acceptance.

We reach the Hokage Tower in a few minutes and the ANBU standing guard usher us inside. "Good to see you guys are back" Kakashi smiles from behind his desk.

"As you requested, Lady Tsunade is here and willing to take the position of Hokage. She wishes for her adoptive daughter Shizune to become her assistant" Jiraiya says.

"I don't see why not. The council is about to meet, Kouhei and Naruto, you are welcome to join the meeting."

Both of us nod, ready to show the council we're not going to be taking anymore shit from their pompous asses. "What should our anger level be?" I turn to Naruto.

"I'd say at least Anko without her dango"

"Defcon 6, huh? Well…let's hope the janitor's here today, there is definitely gonna be some pants soiling."

The council chamber is alive with fast chatter and slightly angry whispering directed at Naruto and I. "What are those abominations doing here?" Homura snarls.

"We're here with the blessings of the Hokage you old fart" I answer.

"How dare you?! You disrespectful little piece of shit!" he rages.

"Wow…you really need to get laid" Naruto points out.

The shinobi part of the council stifle laughs at Homura's barely suppressed rage.

"Is he okay? He looks like he needs to take a crap" Tsume Inuzuka prods one of the councilman's puffed out cheeks.

"Don't touch me you bitch!" he spits.

The councilman soon finds himself pinned to the floor, my swords making an X on his neck. "Call her that again you geriatric fuck…and I won't hesitate to send you to one of the Seven Hells" I growl into his face.

Just as we predicted, the councilman shits himself. "Needing diapers already? Someone get him some Depends" Naruto stares down the rest of the council.

"Please Naruto-kun, calm down" Homura's partner, Koharu begs.

"Alright Koharu-chan. I think we've terrified them enough don't you think so Kouhei?"

"Yeah…just remember this; we will not be taking anymore shit form this council. If you try to pull anything over on us…Kami help you."

Koharu relaxes, Naruto and I actually like the councilwoman, and she was one of the few who helped us over the years. She's literally the exact opposite of her partner, Homura, who despises every goddamn thing we do.

"Koharu-chan, I got you a present" Naruto and I begin to make hand signs. "This is a technique that Benzaiten taught me while I was hanging around Heaven."

"**Dark Art: Revival of Youth!**" Naruto and I slam our palms into her stomach as gently as we can. "This is just our way of repaying a lot of years of kindness" I smile.

She collapses, writhing on the ground. Naruto reaches down and strokes her hair.

"It'll all be fine, I promise."

Her form begins to shimmer, slowly changing back into the form of her fifteen year old self. Unknown to a lot of people, in her youth, Koharu was a beautiful kunoichi with dark eyes and dark hair; she was naturally beautiful, never needing any makeup or beauty products.

"W-what happened?" she says in a lovely voice, rubbing her head gingerly.

"Welcome back to the world of the youthful" I smile and haul her up onto her feet.

As soon as she spots herself in a mirror across the room she faints and crashes onto the floor.

Tsume is the first one to speak up after the display," Benzaiten taught you that?"

"Yep" I scrape some dirt off my nails nonchalantly.

"The Goddess of Love?"

"Mhmm" I grunt.

"How about I just tell you the whole story?" I launch into the tale from the moment I died till the moment I woke up in Ichiraku's. I show them 'Death' and allow them to inspect the armor that Kaze gave me.

"Kushina and Minato's kids? Why the fuck didn't we see that before" Tsume hangs her head in shame along with the rest of the council.

"You guys really didn't know?"

"We had no clue but goddamn it we should have seen the similarities! Those two would be ashamed of us" Inoichi slams his fist on the table.

"Calm yourselves" I cut through the tension.

"We don't care. Kouhei and I have never held a grudge and we refuse to start now. You didn't know, we don't care. Let's just drop it and move on" Naruto shouts.

The entire council clams up, a feat not seen since the days of the First Hokage.

"All we ask of you is to reveal our heritage to the people of the village, no more, no less"

"NEVER!" Homura screams. "Just because that Inuzuka bitch and Yamanaka fag are on your side doesn't me-"

Homura doesn't get to finish his sentence. Well…no one can talk after having their head severed.

He sits straight up, like he's still protesting. Blood rises like a geyser and actually hits the ceiling, much to the disgust of the civilians.

"I warned you once" I face the council.

"I refuse to warn someone twice" flicking his blood off of my blade.

Silence.

"Finally rid of him, huh?" Tsume's grin looks quite feral.

"That was fifteen years over-due" Shikaku Nara says calmly.

"Anybody else have something to say?" I run my sword over the crowd.

No one pipes up.

"**That's what I thought."**

**Finally done with this chapter :D. hope you enjoyed Homura's decapitation and check out a picture of Koharu when she was young. She will be part of Kouhei's small harem**

**Naruto's harem**

**Haku**

**Konan**

**Shizune**

**Tayuya**

**Kouhei's harem**

**Koharu**

**Anko**

**Tsume**

**Kin**


End file.
